Right Here

Part 1

They walked down together, Carina taking Maya's hand, needing something to steady her as her brain ran at a million miles a minute, her head pounding. Maya was her grounding presence through all of this, the one keeping her here at least some of the time and not always a thousand miles away in her head.

"Carina," Ben said, getting out of the car, "I am so sorry."

"Thank you," Carina said, nodding as he opened the car door for her.

"Thanks for this Ben," Maya said.

"He and I were interns together," Ben said, clearly trying not to cry himself, "Like how you and Andy were in the academy together, it creates a bond. We didn't become best friends, but we were all close."

"I know," Maya nodded, heading around the car.

She got in the back with Carina, the brunette reaching for her hand immediately. Ben drove, the ride to the hospital silent apart from some sniffles from all of them.

"I am right here with you the whole time," Maya said as they pulled up, "Whatever you need. I am right here."

Carina nodded as Ben got out, opening her door as Dr. Webber opened Maya's. She hated that it felt like everyone was starting at her, grabbing for Maya's hand as soon as she was near enough. They walked to some chairs at the front, a few people stopping Carina to offer condolences on the way.

They sat down, Maya taking Carina's hands in hers as Dr. Webber started talking, looking at her girlfriend to make sure it was ok. Carina was just watching the screen, not pulling her hands away so Maya decided it was ok. She watched the video tribute, but kept a lot of her attention on Carina. As Andrew's face filled the screen, Maya put her arm around Carina's back, rubbing it as they listened to him talk.

When it was over, nobody moved for a few minutes, just looking at the screen where Andrew's face was smiling at them. Dr. Webber was the first one to stand, Carina forcing her exhausted body up to accept condolences, Maya standing behind her, just keeping a steadying hand on her girlfriend's back.

Finally, everyone had left, and Ben walked back over to them. The three of them just looking at the screen for another minute.

"I am going to go get the car," Ben said, "Absolutely no rush, but I will be ready whenever you are."

"Thanks," Maya said, knowing Carina was just soaking in the image of her brother on the side of the hospital they both loved so much.

"I can't believe he's really gone," Carina said, tears spilling down her cheeks, "He was my little brother. I was not supposed to have to do this. I... Why him... I should have protected him... He was my baby brother."

"Carina, you couldn't have done anything," Maya said, pulling Carina's eye to her face, trying to help her calm down, "Andrew was going to do what he did no matter what. If you weren't there, who would have helped him? Who would have taken care of him until help got there. You did everything you could for him."

"And yet he is still gone," Carina cried, full body sobs starting again as Maya guided her to a chair, sitting her down.

"I know," Maya said, rubbing her back, "I am so sorry, but it is not on you."

Carina took a deep, forceful breath after a minute, stopping her tears.

"Are you ready to go home?" Maya asked after another minute.

"Si," Carina nodded, rubbing her temples.

"Come on," Maya said, helping her up and guiding her to Ben's car, opening the door for her before going around to the other side.

They drove home, the ride silent the entire time as Carina stared out the window. When they got back, Carina opened the door as soon as the car was stopped, bolting upstairs.

"Sorry," Maya said, getting out, "Tonight was a lot. Thank you for driving us."

"I understand," Ben said, "Actually, Captain, I was wondering if I could take some time off too."

"Talk to Andy," Maya said, "I'm going to be out at least the rest of this week, maybe next week too depending, but I would say take all the time you need. I need to get upstairs."

"Of course," Ben nodded, "If you two need anything, just let me know."

"Thanks," Maya said, nodding as she went upstairs.

She went into the apartment, not seeing Carina. She went into the bedroom, finding Carina back in the corner of the shower.

"Sorry I ran up here," Carina said, seeing Maya in the doorway.

"Don't apologize," Maya said, shaking her head, "Right now, you are allowed to do whatever it is you need. Is there anything I can do?"

"Can you come sit?" Carina asked, all of a sudden wanting Maya close.

"Of course," Maya nodded, getting into the shower, Carina's head immediately going to her shoulder.

"I can't believe my dad knew for two days and never called," Carina said, tears filling her eyes, "I always have known he wasn't the perfect father, but I thought he cared about us, about me, but today showed me he doesn't. He doesn't care about me at all. After my mom died, he wasn't really there for me, but their divorce had been messy and I understood, or tried to, but this time, this time it was his son who he claimed to love and he doesn't even care enough about me to pick up the phone and call after he was murdered."

Carina just sobbed into Maya's arms as she held her, rubbing her back.

She thought about her own dad and brother. She had been thinking about Mason so much since everything that happened with Andrew, about how she needed to find him and make sure he was safe. She knew that if anything happened to Mason, her dad wouldn't care in the slightest. He had stopped caring about Mason close to two decades ago, but at least Maya knew that, at least it wouldn't come as a slap in the face.

Maya pushed those thoughts away for now so she could give Carina her full attention, something her girlfriend needed.

"I am so sorry he has made this worse," Maya said, tightening her grip a little.

"It is like I lost him too," Carina choked out, "Or I just realized I never really had him. I spent days worrying about him and he doesn't even care enough about me to bother picking up the phone."

Maya felt anger flash through her after having watched Carina struggle with her own guilt for days, dreading having to call her dad, pain that could have been avoided if he cared about her. If her dad had called when he found out, Carina could have used the precious energy she had spent worrying about him on something else like yelling or sleeping or grieving in whatever way she needed to.

"I am so sorry Carina," Maya said, rubbing her back.

They spent a few more minutes in the shower before Carina sighed.

"I think I am ready to go to bed," she said, rubbing her eyes, "I think I need to try to sleep, and I don't think the bed is too soft anymore."

"Alright," Maya nodded, helping her up.

They both changed into pajamas before crawling into bed.

"I am right here," Maya said, looking at her girlfriend, "If you need me in the middle of the night, wake me up, even if it's just to have someone else be awake with you. You are not alone in this, even if your dad doesn't care enough to be there for you, I am right here. I am not going anywhere."

"Thank you Maya," Carina said, moving closer to her, "Thank you for being here for me through all of this, for being my family."

"I love you Carina," Maya said, pulling her close as both of them started to drift off to sleep.