I'm Coming Back For More - Joonas Porko

My Logic Tells Me Otherwise

My brain was going crazy, all this thoughts. Why would she do it, what did I do wrong. I loved her with my whole soul and that's how she showed me her love.

I thought that I would get crazy in a matter of seconds, like my head would explode. I waited for years for her not knowing if I would actually see her ever again and here is how I end up.

I felt tears running through my face and my hands were shaking.

It's my fault, she deserves someone better, maybe I didn't treat her right or I'm not the one for her. Yea that's it.
Joonas you are a fool, of course she would choose her ex, he is better in everything.

"Joonas, man are you okay?" I thought that i heard Joel speaking but I wasn't thinking clearly anymore

"It's my fucking fault" I mumbled and I got up throwing the bottle of beer on the wall feeling my whole body shaking.

Joel came and grabbed me, making me sit on the floor.

"Joonas stop" he pushed my hair away from my face and tried to calm me down

"It's my fault" that's all I could mumble

I was still shaking trying to make my breath steady again. Failing

"Joonas, you idiot stop" Joel shaked my body still trying to find what he had to do

I was crying violently feeling like I would pass out.

I never felt like this for a woman. She brought my whole world and life upside down, what If we never met again? Maybe it would be better now and I would be happy making music with the others in the studio.

I looked on Joel and he seemed so nervous

"Follow my breath, it's okay, bro it's not your fault" I did what he said, and slowly I found my breath again

I still couldn't progress what just happened, and what I did infront of Joel. That's why he is like a brother to me.

He was always there for me in my hardest times, I couldn't be more grateful to have him in my life.

He helped me sit back in the couch and took some of the glasses of the bottle away.

He also went in the kitchen and brought me a glass of water.

"Drink it" he gave me the water and I did what he said

"I'm sorry" it's all I could say before he sat next to me again

I felt so bad, I shouldn't have done this, or break the bottle.

It was the alcohol and all my thoughts who were controling me but still I should have kept some self-control infront of Joel.

"It's okay, sometimes you should let it all out" I nodded on his words and kept drinking the water like it would actually sober me up completely.

Alcohol was my only way to escape from my thoughts of her and what she did.

"Do you wanna speak now?" Joel said and I could feel his calm tone

I let the now empty glass in the table infront of us and nodded

"I hate it okay, i hate it that she choosed him over me when I loved her with my whole life, I gave everything to make her happy and she turned back to him" I felt my voice cracking. Joonas stop crying. Men don't fucking cry

"Joonas, that's what we all trying to tell you, she didn't cheat, he went to her and forced the kiss, you didn't she that she was trying to push him?" Joel was looking directly in my eyes and that was making me nervous

"No I didn't and if she didn't cheat then how did he find the room?" I felt like I had to get angry now but I just couldn't

I wasn't able to feel angry against her because I still love her and I will always love her no matter what. But it was her choice and she choosed to return back to the man who broke her in the worst way.

"I don't know this but I know that she didn't cheat" he placed his hands on his knees trying to take a look from my face "she loves you Joonas, I'm sure there is a proof somewhere that she didn't cheat" I chuckled on his words

"Memories" I said and laughed "2014 the day she left, that's exactly how we were right?" Joel nodded

It was exactly the same but this time not because she left but because she cheated.

I was in Joel's house drinking, since in mine was my mom. Joel was comforting me but I felt like shit just like I feel know.

"It's different now, you have to believe her or atleast listen to her and don't talk to her that way" Joel gave me another glass of water "she is trying to fix things, If she had cheated would she try?"

It was true but something was again holding me back, my heart was telling me just to run and go find her but I couldn't what if she cheated. God how many questions I got.

And I talked her badly. I treated her the worst way. The word bitch dared to slip from my lips. For the person that I loved the most. But I couldn't let her see how much I suffer. No I could never

"My heart wants to believe her Joel" I sighed "but my logic and brain tell me otherwise" even if she didn't cheat would we get back again? Or maybe she would hate me for the way I treated her. I don't know if this thing would work out anymore

"I need time, a lot of time" I said and got up

I opened the door "can you please leave now?"

Joel took his jacket and walked out

"Promise me that you won't drink more and If you need me I'm just a ring away" he opened his door and I nodded

After I locked my door again, I sat in the couch. Not doing anything but just looking in the wall that was wet from the beer that fell on it

I know that there would be no sleep for me, all this crazy thoughts would keep me up all night and all day

Why is love so fucking hard?

*Author's note
We had to see Joonas side also.
Bro doesn't it hurt more when a man cries in a break up? Especially when this man is Joonas?
Yea I was literally crying....
Also Joel.... Oh cmon he is the best
I think that Joonas maybe has to listen to his heart this time.
Enjoy 🖤