âme soeur

chapter 24

" Haven't you felt that I am arrogant or  felt bored talking to me.  You don't felt annoyed or irritate when you get silence from my side in conversation. My lack of response.  Didn't you felt  that I need to make efforts equally in this relationship. " she said.

" Tell me one thing have you felt that sad, angry when I didn't give proper time to you. Like every other girl you also having some expectation. I know I didn't give time because of office. Have you ever felt annoyed when I didn't express myself.  Have you ever thought you can get the other person who can give proper time to you , who express his emotions more openly ??? "

" No right because you understand me. You know that work is important for me and for you also. Then why you will felt like this. What even you are talking . How can you think like I will ever reconsider my descision of  choosing you. And from where this is all coming. "

" From childhood I had been listening all this. My grandmother wants a boy but I born my parents didn't say or behave indifferent but they also want a boy. My grandmother used to say I am nothing but a burden as at that time we are not this financial stable. She don't wants me to go and study else she want me to learn household chores. But papa didn't listen her and sent me to school. After that Rudra born and everyone was so happy including me. But things changed with time. Maa used to spend her time with Rudra. Papa remain busy in work. I used to feel alone. But I promised myself to never let anyone feel that I am burden on them. This society is so manipulative why always girls consider as a burden.

I start studying my all expenses of school were  full filled by scholarship.
With time our family condition start improving I want to do study in good school so I could do something to make maa and papa proud. I never have friends .As I changed my school their are students how came from very good background I used to feel neglected. I used to feel uncomfortable around new people and places.They used to make fun of me. They used to insult me as their are many things at that time I didn't know as I never intrested in their conversation of party, shopping, makeup their is nothing valuable that I can add in conversation. Resultant I restricted my self. My self confidence came down I never tell this to anyone I don't want them to get worried. Whenever I thought to talk with maa but she instead tell me to change myself. But I never want to change myself because of other people because I am not wrong.

I also wanted to enjoy , behave freely but I couldn't because I have to achieve something on my own. It take time me to involve with new people new places. I always thank full to maa papa to support me. I remember  when I told them about my job selection they were proud on me. I always ignored what people said but how much  I tried but 0.1 percent it still hurt and it very so badly. I am tried of listening all this. It hurts when someone think you as a burden . It's not my mistake that I am girl. All start calling me what yes reserved, egoistic , passive and what not. I Stop going to parties or function s because again all started why I am still single or do this do that  I just don't wanna listen . Even now people thought it's just my luck that I got you as according to them I have nothing to match with you.

From keeping away myself I used to spent my free time in balcony because it provides me the peace. I started reading to keep away myself from negative thoughts. I have  no one to whom I can share with all this. I never want maa and papa to know about this.