pay you with love ♡ malum (discontinued)

31 ➵ one day later

"Baby, you really need someone to talk about this," I said with a sigh, aching to reach out and touch him.

"I have y-you." Calum whispered, eyes wide and cheeks tear-stained.

"No, I mean you need a therapist. I can listen to your problems, but I can't help you and you need help, Calum. I really don't mean this in a bad way, I just want you to get better, and you do too, right?"

"Y-Yes, but I don't want to go to therapy. It's s-scary and they always want to know everything. In the end it wouldn't help me anyways."

"But that's just because they want to help you, Calum. Just like you and I, they also just want you to get better. Therapy isn't a bad thing, baby. It's really not that bad," I tried to persuade him gently.

Calum wiped away his tears and looked at me in confusion, "But how do you know that?"

I sighed, scratching at the back of my head almost nervously, "Because I've been there. I went to therapy for quite a while when I was younger and it helped me to deal with my problems. That's why I want you to go, Calum. I know it will help."

"Why did you go to therapy?"

Even though it wasn't the best timing to talk about this, I still felt like I needed to. We may had the appointment in less than ten minutes, but I felt like this was an important topic, and one that couldn’t wait.

"You know how I never talk about my mom, right? Well, when I was younger, she killed herself because of the depression she had. She's had it since she was a teenager. When my dad and her met, he knew about it. He knew it would be hard for her and him to deal with it, but they made it. After they got married, and when I was born, it seemed like the depression had almost vanished. My mom was so happy with her life and her husband and with me; it seemed like everything was perfect.”

"But one day my dad and I came home from a camping trip, and found my mom. S-She hung herself in the garage," I took a deep breath and wiped away the few brewing tears from the corners of my eyes, "I couldn't deal with it. The memories of her haunted me in dreams. It was so horrible. I locked myself into my room for weeks; I didn't eat; I didn't speak. I just cried. My dad decided to send me to therapy because he wanted me to get better. I was just like you, Calum. I didn't want to go. I thought it was stupid and it wouldn't help, but it actually did.”

"Sure, I could never forget the mental pictures; they're practically burned into my brain, but therapy helped me to get better and I could start living my life again, and honestly, I am so thankful that my dad made me do it. It's really not a bad thing," I finished and tried to smile for him, but it was difficult.

It never was an easy thing to talk about, and I was surprised that I was still so calm. I was crying but I wasn't breaking down. Perhaps it was simply Calum’s presence that put me at ease.

Suddenly, Calum wrapped his arms around me and mumbled something into my neck which I couldn't quite understand. I wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled him close, fondly kissing at the top of his head. His presence was a warm, comfort in my arms. We stayed like this for a while and it felt nice to have Calum so close to me again.

He pulled away and looked at me with a small smile, "I love you so much."

"I love you too, princess."

Calum slowly leaned in and then pressed his lips to mine. I cupped his cheek, heated with a gentle flush, and smiled into the kiss. It was a sweet and gentle kiss, which I loved perhaps the most.

"Let's go to the doctors -- we have to see our baby," he said after pulling away and his smile was bigger than ever. It made me happy because I could tell it was a real smile; he was really happy.