DEFENDER [hs]

Chapter 34

"What the fuc- Athena?" Harry exclaimed as his eyes were brought to me physically dying on the ground. His headphones had been removed from his right ear. At this point, I've embarrassed myself enough. I wanted the ground to open up and suck me in. My eyes screwed shut and I whimpered as I tried my best to stand up. 

Harry quickly grabbed on my arms and steadied me. "Come on." He said guiding me outside the room. I was so much in excruciating pain that I hadn't realized that Harry was still very much shirtless. A little blush crept on my cheeks as I noticed. We walked into a room where Harry sat me down on the bed. He made his way to the back grabbing an ice pack. 

"What the hell were you doing?" He asked as he grabbed my ankle to take a better look. Honestly, what was I doing? I was full-on stalking him. "I um- I was looking for you." I blurted out and he just hummed in response. Being embarrassing is seriously the only thing I'm good at. 

Guess I'm a natural.

"It isn't badly sprained, just rest and don't do stupid stuff again." He said and I desperately wanted to disappear. "Um- sorry about the vase." I apologized feeling guilty. I swear if it was an important vase I was never going to forgive myself. "It's fine, stupid little thing anyway," Harry replied while bandaging my foot. I mentally sighed in relief. 

You're lucky this time, Athena.

"Have you eaten?" Harry asked and I shook my head into a no. He sighed and stood me up once. I winced as the pain was starting to travel up to my leg. So much for going out in New York, I had to be stuck inside, resting. 

Something I hadn't realized was there was a massive elevator connecting from the bottom to the top floor. His house was only two stories but it had long stairs so I guess if your lazy then yeah. But from the looks of Harry's body, I think walking down the three flights of stairs is a piece of cake. 

We got out of the elevator in a matter of seconds. Harry snaked his arm around my waist and helped me to the kitchen. I sat on the stools and used the ice pack he had given me and gently compressed it. 

"Toast?" He asked and I nodded. He took about five minutes, toasting the bread, spreading butter over it, and decorating them with freshly cut strawberries. I didn't know why it amazed me so much seeing how careful and gently he does things. On the outside he had this bad and dark demeanor but what if on the inside he's a big softie? I'm just trying to convince myself that he's a nice person.

Harry placed down the perfect toasts in front of me with orange juice and I thanked him. The toasts were scrumptious. I swear this man must have been a chef in his past life. Or maybe just gifted. But whatever it was, he was certainly good at cooking. 

"You know, I was going to take you out for breakfast but clearly that's off the list cause miss clumsy here doesn't use her eyes when she walks." He said with a shrug. I rolled my eyes. There he was, back to his normal self. "You wanted to take me out? Someone threw a fit last night saying we can't leave and need to stay vigilant and blah blah." I slurred out using his words from last night.

"I was trying to give you sympathy, but it seems like you can't even handle yourself indoors." He said. I was very much starting to get annoyed with him. I know it was stupid of me to fall but it isn't a big deal. Maybe knocking down the vase was but he just said he didn't care so why can't he just forget it. 

"What's your deal?" I asked as I took a sip of orange juice, letting the citrus flavor ease my anger towards this egoistic man in front of me. "My deal is you're too clumsy and simply just weak. How are you supposed to handle yourself when they come for you?" Harry asked as he jabbed his fork into the toast. 

"Then what's the point of you?" I suddenly blurted out with sudden confidence I didn't know I had. I despised quarreling with people but he's getting on my nerves. "Arent you suppose to be the one who protects me? Isn't that your job? Isn't that what you said your job was in the car?" 

Harry's eyes burned into me, probably even my soul. "Since you have such a smart mouth why don't you think a little, yeah? What if they come for you when I'm not there? What if they kidnap you? Or use you for enslavery? Or maybe even put a bullet through your skull? I mean, as far as I know, you wouldn't survive and all of those things would most likely happen. That's what being weak and plain hopeless gets you." He said as he got up with his plate in his hands and headed over to the sink. 

His words stabbed me right in the heart. They hurt.

Why does Harry think that I can't defend myself? I may not be physically strong but not every battle can be won with strength. I can play them out or even come up with a plan or since I'm a woman, seduce them then kill them? Not everything has to be about how strong you are. I was about to say that to Harry when I decided to step down not wanting to cause havoc.

Harry left the kitchen and made his way upstairs with a broom, probably to clean up the pieces of the vase. I sighed and grabbed my dishes and walked to the sink like normal putting pressure on my sprained ankle completely forgetting about it. It sent a jolt of pain to my leg. I cried out as I held onto the countertop. I pushed myself back down against the stool and slumped. My eyes pierced shut as I let out a groan. I couldn't even walk. Today was such a mess. And it's only nine in the morning. I wanted today to be over.  

Maybe I was weak as Harry said I was. Maybe nothing I do will make me stronger. Maybe all I am is just an emotional and helpless girl, waiting for her prince charming to save her. I hated how lowly I thought of myself. I hated how discouraged I always felt. 

Taking a deep breath, I gently lift myself up and made my way once again to the kitchen, limping. I washed the dishes and hung them for drying. The overflowing thoughts about what he had said caused my eyes to prickle and form tears. I wasn't going to let myself cry and really prove how 'weak and plain hopeless' I supposedly was.

I looked outside the window and noticed there was a beautiful wooden swing chair that I hadn't noticed. Without thinking, I leaped outside the door and walked towards it. Harry probably doesn't want to deal with me right now which is understandable as I am 'weak and plain hopeless' so maybe just sitting here will give him a piece of mind. If that's what he wanted.

I sat down ignoring the excruciating pain in my foot. When I was walking out, I completely forgot about the icepack on the table since I was focusing so much on my leg. I sighed and wiped away the small formings of tears that were built up in my eye. I laid down and looked up at the sky, trying my best to clear my head.

Can someone be a failure the moment they were born? Was I a failure the moment I was brought into this world? Probably, cause maybe that's the reason mum left? And possibly the reason why Harry thinks so low of me. 

Sometimes I get this sudden boosts of confidence where I lash out everything I say or do. And that's not necessarily a good thing in my case. Cause what if I hurt them? What if I embarrass myself? What I expose a secret? 

Nothing is easy and I just wished the people around me believed in what I can do and not quickly judge how stupid I am. I get it. I may not be the strongest or the wisest, but I'm trying to, trust me. I'm not trying to be a burden to anyone and I certainly did not ask for this life. Actually, I ask for no life. I don't want to be here. I don't want to be on the face of Earth. But I'm also stupid to think that the afterlife wants me. 

Who wants a weak and plain hopeless girl?

"Give me time, I'll be better."

AUTHOR'S NOTE

Heyy, I know for some people this chap will be hard to read, that's why I added a little trigger warning at the start.

Reminder: you are loved and enough <3

ily all.