Literature, lust and love - Professor Romanoff

FIFTEEN

The notes started two weeks before winter break. I was walking back from class with Emily on a Thursday evening, getting ready for our weekly movie night. Emily stopped me outside my door as I hadn't noticed an envelope on the floor whilst I was putting my key into the lock. I bent down and picked it up, flipping it over to see if there was a return address.

"Who's it from?" Emily asked, peering over my shoulder.

"I don't know," I replied, tearing open the envelope. Inside was a cream card, embossed with flowers.

Desdemona,

In vain I have struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.

I passed the card over to Emily and she grabbed it, investigating it thoroughly before begrudgingly handing it back to me.

"I've never had someone send me love notes. Lucky you, Desi." Emily sounded sad, still slightly upset about being cheated on, and hearing about me getting a girlfriend and now a secret admirer probably didn't help her.

"But why, I don't understand. I have a girlfriend!" I shook my head, still staring at the words, tracing my finger over the calligraphy.

"Yes, that's why it's a secret admirer, and plus, no one really knows that you're taken." Emily tutted, still looking at the words. "What does it mean?"

"It's Pride and Prejudice. Darcy says it to Lizzie because he can't bear the emotions he is feeling so has to get them off his chest."

"Does she reciprocate his feelings?"

"She does, eventually. She believed him to be a brute when they first met, but once it was revealed that he was a kind man under a hard exterior, she found it hard not to fall in love with him."

"Lovely. I just love love." Emily pushed open my door, leaving me to follow in her steps towards my bed, where she was already getting tucked in in front of my TV. I put the card on my desk and decided to leave it for a while, there was no need to worry about a little note.

I walked into chem lab on Monday morning, groaning at the thought of the next week which was scattered with exams. Making my way over to my cubby, I stopped when I saw another cream card plastered to the cubby door. Looking around, I walked towards it and ripped it off, anxious to read what it had to say.

I've never had a moment's doubt. I love you. I believe in you completely. You are my dearest one. My reason for life.

"What the," I shook my head, rereading the quote again and again. 'Atonement' was a strange book to choose, whilst being a raging romance, it is ultimately a tragedy. Either this person had a strange sense of love, or they were taking the quotes out of the context of their novels and wanted me to just read the words.

"Alright class, let's get going!" The demonstrator called out across the lab and I had to rush to join my lab partner before he started without me. I smiled apologetically at him and spent the next two hours completely submersed in my experiment. The note didn't cross my mind again until I walked into my history class. There was another one on my desk. I spun my head around and locked eyes with Emily who was watching me intently, who I signalled to come over. I reached into my bag and gave her the morning's note whilst I opened the newest one.

Desi,

You are my heart, my life, my one and only thought.

"Jeez, Desi. Someone really wants to get your attention. Who's this morning's author?" Emily took the newest note as she asked me the question, and I tucked away the Atonement quote back into my bag.

"Ian McEwan. Atonement. But I don't know where this quote is from, it's so ambiguous, anyone could have said it." I nodded at the note Emily was currently reading, but she quickly handed it back to me and took out her phone, punching in the words.

"It says here, Arthur Conan Doyle."

I sunk into my chair, rubbing my face with my hands, trying to instil some thought in my brain.

"I have to tell Natasha, don't I? I know I wouldn't like it if I knew someone was sending her love notes."

"I mean it is completely harmless on your part Desi, it's not like you are asking for a secret admirer, but maybe you'd feel better if she knew. Don't worry about it though, you should feel touched that someone is putting so much effort into you!" Emily chuckled, leaving me as she went back to her desk. I sighed, but pulled out my notebook and prepared for the lecture ahead of me.

Professor Rogers dismissed us and I packed my bag and made my way to Natasha's office. I knocked on her door and heard her rustling around before the door swung open. Her eyes widened in surprise but she smiled so much that I almost forgot that we were in the school hallway and not her house.

"What can I do for you, Miss Dunn?"

"Can I just have a moment of your time, please, Miss Romanoff?"

"Of course," Natasha moved aside so I could walk in. Before I could sit down, Natasha grabbed my arm and pulled me into a kiss, and I let her do whatever she wanted to. Her hands trailed up and down my body before resting on my hips, whilst mine were linked behind her neck. We pulled apart, breathing heavily, whilst I traced circles onto her neck with my thumbs.

"Is everything okay, Desi?" Natasha asked me, searching my eyes as she always did. I gave her a thin-lipped smile as I took my hands away from her and motioned for us to sit.

"I just wanted to show you these before anything progressed." I pulled out the notes and gave them to Natasha, and I watched as her eyes followed the words on each card, and how her fingers traced over the embossed flowers as mine had done. "It only started on Thursday, but it has to be somebody at school, because how else would they be able to get them to me."

"You have a secret admirer," Natasha whispered, still looking at the notes.

"You know I don't want anything to do with them, right Natasha?" She looked up at me and I was instantly appeased as she was giving me a soft, sympathetic smile.

"I know, Desi. The thought didn't even cross my mind. I actually think it's quite sweet that someone is putting in all this effort for you, it makes me feel like I'm slacking a bit." She chuckled as she slipped the notes back into my bag, before taking my hands in hers. "I love you Desi, and I love that you came to me with these, but you don't need to worry about me. I'm pretty sure I know exactly how you feel about me," she smirked, and my mind flashed with images of her in my arms on Saturday, wrapped in her bedsheets, "So this kind of thing doesn't worry me. Are you okay with it?"

"I mean I've never had a secret admirer, so it is kind of exciting, but I would never want you to get the wrong impression. I am very much in love with you, Natasha." Saying these words solidified my feelings, my feelings of love, which overpowered my feelings of guilt and nerves. "Besides, recycling quotes from novels cannot touch what you can say to me. I am at my knees whenever you talk to me, Tash. You have that much power over me."

"Desi!" Natasha chuckled, leaning forward to kiss me again, and I knew, when I felt her lips on mine, that I would never want to feel another's ever again.