No More Ghosts: Chapter One

No More Ghosts: Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Lisa never discovered what had happened on Valentine's evening. She knew Carol had had a raging hangover the next day, but whether her alcohol consumption had led to or been the result of something she never found out.

What she did notice over the following weeks, was a subtle change in Carol & John's relationship. They were increasingly relaxed around one another and Lisa would often catch them sharing a private joke. "Bloody grown-ups," she'd mutter to her friends, "Think they know bloody everything, but they're just as clueless as the rest of us."

Carol had been hideously embarrassed the following day, when not only did she have to contend with her propositioning of John the night before, but the fact she was not remotely fit for work. John had taken it all in good part, reassuring her that there was nothing going on that he couldn't manage and that she had nothing to be ashamed of regarding her behaviour. He had blushed furiously as he'd told her how much he'd wanted her and how difficult it had been for him to do the right thing. John wasn't given to talking about his feelings, let alone intimate ones, but he felt that if by making a fool of himself, as he saw it, Carol would feel better about what had happened it was worth it.

So whilst Lisa's Valentine's Day plans for the pair hadn't worked in quite the way she'd anticipated, they had certainly broken down some barriers and allowed Carol and John to form a closer bond.

Carol's feelings in particular had begun to change at a rate that both excited and terrified her. Although she didn't see him in quite the same light as Rosie Tattersall clearly had, Carol now saw John as a man in his own right, totally separate from any previous associations she had in her mind with Andrew Lawton or Richard Bolton. He worked tirelessly on the farm, attended the computer course he'd arranged at Christmas and basically devoted every waking hour to ensuring the farm and its three residents were looked after. At bedtime, Carol & John would share a tender, but platonic goodnight kiss. Some mornings she would wake up to find John spooned behind her, his arm warm across her body. Neither of them complained and neither of them ever mentioned these occurrences, however, which left both of them silently wondering how long they would continue the situation of 'stale-mate'.

It was early April when things changed. Lambing was coming to an end and Carol had spent the day working with John and the sheep. Watching him gently cradle the new-born lambs she'd felt a surge of feeling for him - pride mixed with...love? She wasn't sure - it was so different from how she'd felt about Andrew. Not the fiery raging passion that bought as much pain as it did pleasure, but a warm feeling of contentment and peace, and the realisation that she wanted to be there, with John more than she wanted to be anywhere or with anyone else. There was another feeling too, one that she had been almost certain she would never experience again - lust. It was unusually warm for the time of year and John had unbuttoned the top half of his overalls. Carol watched him surreptitiously as he worked in his sleeveless t-shirt. His body was toned from a lifetime of farm work, and she was shocked to notice her breath coming quicker and butterflies taking flight in her stomach as she watched his muscles undulate beneath the white cotton.

At one point he'd caught her watching him, and oblivious to her state of mind had asked, "Are you alright?"

"Fine, yeah, miles away," she'd responded quickly turning her head so he couldn't see her blushing.

Lisa was out for the evening and when John returned to the farmhouse there was no sign of Carol so he headed straight upstairs for a shower. When he'd finished, he wandered along the landing to their bedroom, a blue towel wrapped round his waist. He was more than a little taken aback to discover Carol lying on the bed waiting for him, wearing a long cotton wrap, and, it appeared, little else. She rose to her feet and made her way across the room as came through the door.

"Carol?" he questioned, his pulse racing as she approached.

"I'm not drunk this time," she said softly, slipping her arms around his waist, "And I promise you I really want this." John looked down at her, his eyes wide with astonishment and longing. Carol's voice dropped to a whisper, "I want you, John," she repeated.

He gathered her into his arms and lowered his head to kiss her as they stumbled back towards they bed. John could feel his heart pounding as Carol's fingers traced a path up his back, lingering on the tiny mole on his left shoulder before trailing back down his chest and stomach to where the towel was knotted at his waist. As her fingers moved beneath the edge of the fabric John let out a groan of frustration and pulled away from her.

"What?" asked Carol, "John, What's the matter?"

Her mind raced with the thought that after all this time he might not want her anymore, or worse, that he might have given into Rosie Tattersall's dubious charms and be feeling too guilty to continue.

"I'm sorry, Carol, I can't do this," John replied, his eyes glued to the tatty floorboards at his feet.

"What do you mean?" Carol couldn't understand how he'd changed his mind so quickly after the way he'd kissed her just moments previously. "John, I'm ready, this really is what I want. You don't have to worry that it's just for your benefit."

She smiled up at him, a teasing grin, her eyes sparking. It had been so long since John had seen Carol look like that, and never at him. She took his breath away.

"It's not that, Carol," he said, his cheeks flaming as his eyes flickered downward. "I really can't. There are just too many memories here...too many ghosts."

Carol sat down on the bed, an audible sigh of frustration and disappointment escaping her lips.

"I'm sorry, Carol," John sat down next to her and held her close, "You know this has nothing to do with you, don't you? I just feel like this is our first time and it should be something special...and away from here."

"But it's not our first time, is it?" Carol responded, ever the pragmatist.

"It is as far as I'm concerned, " replied John, his blue eyes glittering with the effort of reining in the tears he could feel about to escape. "I don't want to think of our wedding night like that when I know now what an ordeal that must have been for you."

Carol could understand how John felt and was touched by his sensitivity, but was only too aware that farming didn't leave much time for mini breaks.

"Lambing's nearly over now. I'll check the accounts and see if we can run to someone coming in to help Lisa out for a weekend in a few weeks time. We've waited this long, after all."

Carol nodded her agreement, resigning her self to the fact that even thought they'd made it this far, they still had a long way to go.