No More Ghosts: Chapter One

No More Ghosts: Chapter Eight

Chapter Eight

John was a deep sleeper and was stunned when he awoke the following morning to find Carol sleeping beside him. She'd obviously come to bed much later as he hadn't registered her joining him. She rolled over and sleepily opened her eyes, flushing a little as she came face-to-face with John.

"You don't mind do you?" she asked, "I came up late last night and I still couldn't face that room on my own."

"Of course I don't mind." John moved to stroke her hair but stopped himself, wary of making her uncomfortable.

There was knock on the door and a shout of "Tea," followed by, "I'll just leave it outside shall I?" They heard a peel of giggles as Lisa returned to her own room.

"Oh God," groaned Carol, burying her head in the pillow.

"You don't think Lisa's going to have a problem with this do you?" asked John.

"No, of course not," replied Carol, "She thinks it's bloody hilarious. I'm never going to hear the end of it."

Later that day, when John was out working, Lisa approached Carol.

"Y'know Mum sent us that card that you let me open?" she started.

"Yeah, and?" replied Carol. Although they had seen each other a few times during the previous few years, Carol had never forgiven her mum for abandoning her and Lisa and had very little patience or interest in talking about her.

"She put fifty quid in it, and I was thinking...if you and John are sharing a room now, perhaps I could move into your room. It's bigger than mine and I could use the cash to tart it up a bit. What d'ya reckon?"

Carol was floored. She'd only known that the last couple of nights she couldn't sleep in her old room, or by herself. She hadn't given any consideration to moving back into John's bed on a permanent basis.

"Lisa, I know you think that me and John sleeping together is all about," she bit her lip, "...sex. But it's really not like that."

"So what are you saying, Carol? That you're going back into your room? Look I know I'm gonna sound selfish and I know you've had a hard time lately, but John's your husband and he's stood by you. You can't keep messing him about Carol."

Carol shut her eyes tightly and sighed. "That's exactly what I'm trying not to do, Lisa. Look, just...let me have a think and I'll let you know tomorrow."

Lisa glared at her, frustrated, "Alright then." She paused. "I'm not trying to upset you or be pushy. I just want you to be happy, and for what it's worth I think you've got a better chance of that with John than with most blokes."

Lisa went out to meet with friends and left Carol to eat lunch alone, mulling over what her daughter had said. John was the one man who had always been there for her. Always trustworthy, always dependable, and relentlessly kind and understanding, Carol wished desperately that she could see him in a more romantic light, but Andrew still got in the way. Her head told her that he'd let her down, both by running away and marrying someone else, and then by killing himself. That he'd been selfish, trying to jeopardise her marriage to John at the risk of her and Lisa's future. But thoughts were one thing and feelings were another, and as much as she wished them away her feelings for Andrew were a constant reminder that she couldn't be with anyone else.

When John returned mid-afternoon that day, it was immediately obvious that Carol was troubled. We washed his hands and sat down opposite her at the kitchen table.

"What's the matter?"

"Lisa, well not exactly Lisa, but...she wants to move to move into my old bedroom."

"Oh," replied John, completely lost for any other reaction.

"She could do with the extra space and she's had some money from mum she wants to spend on doing it up a bit, but..."

"But...?" John echoed, gently.

"John, I don't want to lead you on. I hadn't thought beyond the last couple of nights."

"If you want to stay in your room, that's up to you Carol. We can think of something to tell Lisa. And we could redecorate anyway if you think it would help." John's heart was sinking. He didn't actually care that there was no physical contact between them, he was content just to share a bed and wake up with Carol in the morning. He couldn't deny, though, that he had hoped her needing him the last couple of nights would be the beginning of a new start for them, and now it appeared his hopes were about to be flattened.

Carol was speechless at John's compassion, and it made her mind up for her.

"No. Let's stay as we are and let Lisa have the bigger room. I can't imagine ever wanting to sleep in there again to be honest." She looked at up John, "I'm not promising anything else, John. You've been amazing, but I just can't. I'm sorry."

"I've told you before Carol, I'm not expecting anything else. Whatever will be will be."

"Thank you," she replied softy. "I do care about you John, you know that don't you?"

He smiled down at her, " 'Course I do."