AN: Just a quick note: This happens right after the season two finale.
She's exhausted. It's been a week since she left.
She's been walking for days. She stops and rests, and tries to grasp on to what little reality she can find.
She's broken, and she knows it.
-----
Clarke ignores the pain in her calves. She keeps walking, and she blocks out the ache in her heart with the pain of her muscles.
Her brain is tired, worn out from thinking so hard about what she did.
She thinks about who she really is all the time.
She wonders if she's worthy.
-----
On the eighth day, she walks to the charred drop ship.
She looks down at the charred bodies, but she doesn't cry.
Her tears have all dried up.
She pretends that she's being strong, by showing herself what she has done. But she knows that all she's doing is punishing herself. She's forcing herself to see what she has done. What she chose to do.
She pushes past the bodies, and her boots click on the drop ship ramp. The sound seems far off and distant, like the half-forgotten words of a dead man.
And still she pushes aside the tarp.
She runs her hand along the table where she helped so many people. But all she can think about is the many that she hurt. That she killed.
Clarke swallows and turns away.
-----
She counts the days, and she wonders.
Did anyone miss her?
-----
Her dreams are haunted by the figures of her victims. She craves someone.
Just the touch of another.
The dirt is all in her fingernails now. Bruises dot her arms and legs. She feels different.
Dirty. Wild.
-----
It's on the twelfth night that she dreams of him.
She dreams that he is there, and that he is holding her. He forgives her over and over again, and she wakes up crying silently.
She doesn't go back to sleep that night.
But she makes her decision then.
-----
She starts the journey back to the fallen ark.
-----
She has to kill a deer. She tells herself that it's okay. She tries to convince herself that she had to do it.
As she skins the deer to get to the meat, the blood stains her hands.
-----
She buries what's left of the animal.
-----
On the eighteenth day, she sees a flicker of light. And then another. There's a glint of metal from the sun.
Clarke lets out a strange noise that's half a sob and half a laugh.
The ache in her heart grows. She's so close.
-----
She makes it to the gates, where four people stand behind it. One of them recognizes her.
Her turns behind him to shout to his commander that she's come back.
The gate swings open for her, and she steps across the threshold.
-----
Jasper and Monty notice her first.
"Clarke!"
They're surprised, but they're joyous. And suddenly their arms are around her, and her arms are around them.
"We've missed you, Clarke," Jasper says as he finally lets go.
His words bring tears to her eyes. "I've missed you too."
Monty hugs her again, and Clarke lets them lead her to the medical tent.
-----
She's seen everyone. She's been welcomed back by everyone.
Everyone except him. She goes to Raven about it the next morning.
"Where is he, Raven?" Clarke asks. She's surprised at the amount of desperation in her voice.
Raven gives her a sad smile. "Looking for you. He needed you, Clarke."
-----
The ache grows in her heart, but she pushes it aside.
Emotion is weakness.
And she carries on.
-----
The next day, Clarke wakes up to shouts outside her tent. She pulls on her boots, and goes outside to tell them to shut up. She almost collapses.
He's there. He's leading a group of what must be a dozen of the hundred. She stands there motionless, too afraid to move.
He doesn't notice her yet. She studies him from afar, and the ache in her chest swells.
But then, as he comes closer, his eyes meet hers. She tries to move, but she's frozen to the ground. She just looks at him.
It's his voice that calls her out of her trance. "Clarke?" His voice is shaky, and full of shock. But it's real, and it's human, and its his.
All she can do is nod as the tears form in his eyes.
She doesn't know how it happened, but they are suddenly embracing. They're holding on to each other for support. He lifts a hand to her head, and holds her there.
"Never leave again," he says desperately. "Promise me, Clarke."
And she lets out a sob.
Her voice is little more than a whisper. "I promise, Bel."
He holds her tighter, if that is even possible, and presses his lips to the top of her head. Through her tears, she can see the small crowd that has formed around them. She feels a small wetness on the back of her shirt, and she quivers. He's crying too, and shaking.
Slowly she lets go to look at his face. She memorizes every detail. The dip in his chin. His wild, curly hair. His glassy eyes.
All she can do is apologize.
"I'm sorry," she says. "I'm so . . . so sorry." She swallows. "I never should have left."
He shakes his head, just slightly. "No, you shouldn't have." He pauses then, and his voice cracks when he speaks. "I need you Clarke."
"I'm here now," she says. And she reaches up to hug him again. "Never again," she whispers into his ear.
She'll never leave again. She can't ever leave him. He holds her tightly, and she only lets go to look at him again.
And her heart aches.
Before either of them realize it, their lips are pressed tightly, desperately, on each others. Neither of them pulls back. She stays with him that day. She never leaves his side.
-----
When Clarke remembers that day, she understands. She finally realizes that was when she first felt a deep love for him.
She is able to smile, and lean her head on his shoulder.
-----
Love isn't weakness, she decides later. It is only strength.
AN: Hello everyone! Originally I simply wanted to keep the previous one shot I wrote by itself, but then I got inspired to write another. So I thought that I would just write a bunch! This is my first time writing something like this in third person, but I hope I did okay.
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A Series of Bellarke One-Shots
FanfictionA series of Bellarke one-shots that aren't necessarily related. We don't choose pain. It chooses us. The difference between someone weak and someone strong is the way they handle it.
