The Stars Don't Mind

16. Cold Feet

"I'm sorry that you had to go through that," I said as I took her hands in mine.

"Vernon, my brother, could have had a good life. I should have done better..."

"Mel... It isn't your fault... You did everything you could have," I said.

She sighed as she wiped a tear threatening to spill over.

"Its his birthday next week. He would've been so excited... Wanting to come meet me, and buy a chocolate cake even though he knew I wouldn't like eating it. Me, then pretending to like it, so he would be happy... These memories somehow always make me feel like he's right here."

"Vernon and his memories will always be alive as long as we keep remembering him. His good and bad and everything in between."

"Vernon was all good, a little messy but still all good." Amelia said reaching for a tissue as Dina brought the food over.

"I'm sorry..." Amelia said as she got up and rushed to the washroom.

Dina looked at me.

"Do you want me to check in on her?" she asked.

"That would be highly appreciated," I said as Dina disappeared behind the wall separating the dining area and the washroom.

A little while later Amelia walked out as she thanked Dina.

"I'm sorry... Do you want to go back?" I asked her.

"No. I'm fine. Besides we are here to eat.."

"Let's go back."

"I'm hungry," Amelia said pouting.

"Then let's eat..."

We gouged on the delicious food.

"This is literally the best Risotto I have ever eaten and I've lived in Italy for a while!" I exclaimed.

"You lived in Italy?!"

"Yeah. And in Spain for a little time."

"Does your spontaneous decision making have to do with it?"

"No... One was for job purposes..." I winked. Amelia smiled.

"I went to Paris with my first paycheck," Amelia said.

She gushed with the memory of acting out her fantasy of being In Paris.

"-I was so happy back then." she said then catching at her words and then looking down at her hands. We didn't talk for the rest of our meals. After eating as we walked back to our houses, Amelia stopped suddenly to look at me.

"Marco... I think this won't work out for us."

"You want to break up?"

"Please don't take it the wrong way... It's just... You are incredible but I just have too much baggage. You seem happy and I'm afraid I'll extinguish your light..."

"Not this again... I like you and-"

"But I don't know how you'll handle everything that's wrong with me!"

"There is nothing wrong with you... Even if there is something, I still like it the way it is."

"Just today you saw what happened. You saw what happened that day when I passed out. I can't seem to cut my grief. I can't forget Vernon and I can't excuse myself from what I did. I don't want you to blame me too. I don't want you to suffer this..."

"Amelia... Dont do this..."

"Marco, this has been wonderful and I'm sorry but it can't go like this. I can't keep putting you through my mess. There's just something so inherently fucked up with me that I just can't fix it. I cant-" she said as she burst out crying.

"I can't put up a smile and pretend that I'm fine anymore even when I'm hurting..." she said sniffling.

"Who said that you have to put on a smile? Who said you have to mask your grief? Who said that I'm tired of your baggage? I am so irrevocably in love with you that these things don't matter to me anymore."

"So you want to ignore all my dirt and just consider what you think is pretty."

"Amelia. This is not what I meant. I just love you so fucking much. I just want you here. I want you to stay."

"Shouldn't I get to decide whether or not to stay?"

"Please just stay for the thrill of it. Please, Amelia..."

"I'm sorry. I cant-" she said, her voice breaking as I held onto her, pulling her close as she cried onto my chest.

"Why did you keep storing your grief in? Why did you try to mask it up?"

"Because I'm afraid that you'll see that I'm too broken and I can't be fixed. That I'm not what you signed up for..."

"You are more than that Amelia. Why do you think I'll run away?"

"Cuz everything I seem to love seems to vanish without any warnings," she said.

"I promise... I'll stay. I'll stay as long as you want me to. I'll be there whenever you want me to. I'll pull you in whenever you seem to push me away. I'll mend our threads even if you try to sever them away cuz I just want you here with me."

"I love you so much Marco that it hurts..." Amelia said still snotty.

"But it's totally worth getting hurt for," she completed as I leaned in for a kiss.

When we reached her home, it was already 11.

"Just stay..." Amelia said as we reached door. I nodded. I kissed her as we got in. She pulled me closer. I kissed her neck as she pulled back.

"I cant- I'm on my period," she said as I released my grip.

"Oh... OK... Lets just freshen up and get to sleeping," I said.

She nodded apologetically.

"Its not your fault... You want me to get you something to drink?"

She shook her head. She went into the bedroom and brought out a set of clothes I had left earlier when we hung out watching movies all night. She had been so tired that she fell asleep in the first hour.

"Here," she hands them to me and then retreats into the bathroom. I get changed in her bedroom and I sat on the edge of her bed.

Out walked, her with her hair in a bun and her long t-shirt covering most of her thighs.

She's as perfect as she can be-