why I harm myself

1

It was about 2 years ago. In year 7. Before I went into secondary school I got bullied... A lot. And I know why, but I don't wanna talk about it. I've been bullied since year 1. I talked to people but they just said 'walk away' or 'if they do it again, tell someone else' until I realised that telling a teacher won't help. I ignored everyone after that. My friends, my family even my own cats. I didn't socialise other then when I had dinner downstairs.

And a few years later in year 7 I found a solution to my pain and suffering. People would talk about it most of the time in Tiktok, YouTube and even outside. They mostly said it was stupid, or your just try'na get attention. But some people said it hurt in a good way ... They said it helps them relieve stress and sadness.

So the first time I did it I did cry at first but I got used to it. I grabbed the sharpest knife, went upstairs and started slicing my wrists until they were covered in cuts and blood. The thing is, it was addictive once I started I couldn't stop. Once one cut started to heal I would slice it open again.

It went on for a while, until my friend found out in year 8. I was getting changed for pe and she accidentally saw my cuts. She told the teacher and she told my mum. Eventually my other friends found out and they would lecture me about why I didn't tell them.
But what they didn't realise is that I am still cutting myself today. I am harming myself because they found out. I'm harming myself because of my weight. I harm myself because of how ugly I look.and y'know what I like harming myself because I know it makes me happy and I know it makes me crazy, but I don't care. I will carry on until I decide when I'm going to overdose.