teeth ➻ marvel x supernatural

11.

now

When I walked into the motel room Dean had booked, I was numb. I had cried for a long time before I had even left the compound and then spent the whole time getting to the motel trying to hide it. I'd stopped on the way and sunk my teeth into the throat of an unsuspecting frat boy who didn't seem to understand what was happening until I was already done and sent him back to his friends. The human blood hadn't helped the way I'd hoped it would, and now I was only confused.

Bucky wanted me to choose him. He wanted me back and he wanted to get back to everything we had been eighty years ago, even though that seemed impossible. It hadn't been how I'd expected anything to go. I thought we would talk, reminisce a little, understand the present and part as less than friends - just the kind of people that checked up on one another once every few months. It hadn't gone right and now I felt tight all over, like something was very wrong.

"You're back," Dean said from the bed, sounding like he hadn't expected me to return. That was another twist of the knife in my heart.

"I told you I would be," I said. My voice sounded monotone even to me. Dean looked away from the car chase on the TV and watched me, eyebrows furrowing.

"You alright?" He asked carefully. I stood frozen in the middle of the room for moments too long, trying to figure out what I was going to do from here, but then I felt more hotness in the back of my eyes and while I tried to force the tears back, I shook my head no. "What happened? Did he hurt you?" Dean was up in an instant and by my side, hands on my face and shoulders as he inspected me.

"No, I'm... fine." My voice broke on the word and I hated the way Dean's face twisted.

"Please don't tell me you're coming back to me just to leave again." His voice was just another twist of the knife. I shook my head and clamped my lips shut to keep a sob from coming out.

"No, I love you," I said when it passed. Dean sighed and brought me against his chest for a minute, pressing a kiss in my hair.

"It wasn't the closure you hoped for, right?" He said against my hair. I choked and hiccuped against his chest.

"I really didn't think this would happen," I told him. He ran a hand up and down my back.

"But then you talked to him and the feelings came back," He finished for me. I clenched my eyes shut.

"It isn't that..." I trailed off, my voice thick with tears.

"But it is," He said quietly. "You still love him."

"Not the same way I love you!" I cried. Dean eased my face back from his chest to look down at me and I was shocked to find no anger there, just resignation.

"You have never loved me the same way you love him," He said. I tried to look away but Dean kept my face where it was. I knew he was right but I didn't want him to be.

"I'm not going back to him," I promised. Dean ran a hand over my hair.

"Maybe not tonight." He winced.

"Dean, don't do that," I said. "Don't act like the choice is made. There is no choice. I'm with you."

"And if he hadn't been taken back then, even that wouldn't be true."

"Don't play what if with me, Dean, I mean it," I huffed.

"Addy, please don't stand there and tell me you would pick me over him when we both know it isn't true," He sighed. Anger spiked in my blood.

"Stop putting words in my mouth," I snapped. "Stop trying to give me an out. I'm not looking for an out."

"I'm not trying to give you an out, I'm trying to give you options." I paused in the middle of pulling my head away from his hands, confused.