LokixFem!ReaderxBucky
IMPORTANT: A little message to those who may not have read the full description: You end up with one of them, not both.
This is my first book, so I'm sorry if it isn't that good.
THERE WILL BE TRIGGERS! Abuse, sexual assault, a...
The next few days, you and Loki properly mourn Miracle. But you soon notice Loki pushing you away, becoming distant.
One day you walk into your room where Loki is reading. You quietly close the door behind you, earning Loki's attention.
You swear you see the corner of his mouth twitch a bit.
You've been stressing about why Loki is doing this, why he's pushing you away.
Everything has been a mess for you.
You're barely eating, barely sleeping, constantly crying, and stressed to the max.
You've reverted to how it was before therapy.
You feel like you're about to burst if you don't talk to Loki about his absence.
You sit on the floor across from his chair.
"I-I..." Your chin quivers despite you firmly willing it not to.
You shake your head and continue, "I don't know why you're doing this..."
Tears blur your vision.
You're falling apart.
You pull at your hair as hot water flows out of your eyes.
Loki just stares at you with a pained expression, not even helping you as you sob your voice into oblivion.
"Why are you doing this?!" Your gravelly voice screams, "Why are you pushing me away?!"
Loki's mouth opens slightly to say something, but he instantly shuts it while trying to steer clear of your pitiable gaze.
He hangs his head, "I just... I don't know how to help you, my love." He whispers.
You try to stop crying as you shake your head lightly, "I just need you."
He finally makes eye contact with you, eyes flooding as well.
"I need to be able to mourn our baby with you. I need you. Please let me in." You beg desperately, any attempt to stop your shaky voice failing.
A tear streams down Loki's face, and he walks over to you, sitting down on the floor beside you.
"I'm so sorry I've been distant. I don't know how to help you, and I don't want to make any of this worse for you." He admits, despair evident in his voice.
You smile weakly, "You could never do anything of the sort, my darling."
You nudge under his arm, making his arm lay across your shoulder, instantly providing you comfort.
He chuckles a bit before pulling you to sit on his lap and summoning a comforter over the two of you.
"I just need you too," Loki whispers in your ear.
You lean your head against his chest, listening to his heartbeat.
He kisses the top of your head as hot tears continue to make their way across your face from thinking of all the times you and Loki could've had with Miracle.
The times you had ripped away from you.
-Loki's POV-
I feel terrible.
I've been pushing Y/N away, but what else am I to do?
I don't know how to help her, and I can't bear to hurt her.
I'm reading in our bedroom when I hear the door close. The sound draws me out of the haze I always develop when immersed in a book.
The corner of my mouth twitches when I observe her appearance.
She's clearly under immense stress, and it breaks my heart.
Her face is dry, and her eyes are bloodshot from the two streams of water that previously flowed down her face. Her hair is a mess, held back with practically forgotten tools that are stationary by this point.
It's heart-wrenching knowing that Y/N rarely eats, doesn't get much sleep, and regularly cries.
She sits on the floor opposite me as I sit on a chair.
"I-I..." Her chin trembles.
After a moment, she shakes her head and pushes on, "I don't know why you're doing this..."
My jaw clenches to keep myself from crying.
Tears flood her eyes before tears pour down her face.
I continue staring at Y/N with pain in my eyes, not allowing myself to help her as she wails, her voice gradually weakening until it's as broken as her soul.
"Why are you doing this?!" Her rough voice shouts, "Why are you pushing me away?*!"
My mouth opens slightly to say, 'I should never have done any of this to you. I'm sorry.' But I quickly shut my mouth again, trying to avoid eye contact with her sad red eyes.
I bow my head, "I just... I don't know how to help you, my love." I whisper.
I hear her attempt to stop Y/N crying, "I just need you."
I finally make eye contact with her.
As soon as I see her furrowed brows and quivering bottom lip, my eyes can't keep from flooding.
"I need to be able to mourn our baby with you. I need you. Please let me in." Y/N pleads, distress clear in her uneven voice.
A tear streams down my face despite trying to stay together for her.
I walk over to sit down on the floor next to her.
"I'm so sorry I've been distant. I don't know how to help you, and I don't want to make any of this worse for you." I confess in anguish.
A frail smile makes its way onto Y/N's face, "You could never do anything of the sort, my darling."
She nuzzles her way under my arm, causing my arm to drape over her shoulder.
I laugh lightly before pulling Y/N to curl up in my lap and summoning a duvet to cover the two of us.
"I just need you too," I whisper in her ear.
She leans her head against my chest, and I kiss the top of her head as tears flow freely down my face as I imagine the life Y/N, Miracle, and I could've had.
Now that's all gone, and we won't ever get that time with Miracle.
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A/N: I know that this chapter isn't truly relevant to the story, but I wanted a chapter with strong emotions that impact and shape the characters.
