Teach me how to fly

Prologue

“Dad,” I admitted and my 11-year-old body stiffened at his thought.

“Mom,” she said.

“Um… want a cookie?” I asked pointing at the packet of Oreo’s in my bag.

“Sure!” she said and offered me a genuine smile.

Ever since, Ali and I grew inseparable. She was a little bit distant at the beginning while I was a little secretive but we got over it as the time passed by. We absolutely loved spending time together. We laughed, had real fun, talked about everything and managed to forget about our homes.

Senior year was supposed to be our last step before freedom. The last year before we could leave this living hell, start a new life and try to rebuild our dreams. We had decided to move to Europe, probably England, and leave Myrtle Beach and our so called “families” behind. Forever.

That night, I was almost asleep when my cellphone went off. Recognizing “Savior” by Black Veil Brides, I freaked out. Listening to Ali’s ringtone at 2am was at least odd.

“A-Ali?” I whispered in order not to wake my father up.

“Avery,” she said.

My eyes went wide realizing she was crying.

“Ali, what’s wrong?!” I asked trying to keep my voice calm and steady.

“I’m sorry, Ave.”

“You’re sorry? Wh-what are you talking about?”

“I’m really sorry but… I’m not as strong as you are,” she whispered sobbing.

“What do you mean?! Ali, I’m on my way. Don’t do anything stupid, please!” I yelled.

“Goodbye, Ave,” she whispered and her voice faded.

“Ali, no!” I screamed at the top of my lungs.

Beep… Beep… Beep…

I jumped of my bed, slipped into some shoes and got out of my bedroom through the window. I started running. Tears were blurring my eyes and my heart was ready to explode. I have never felt more scared in my whole life. Ali was cutting, I knew it. We had talked about it more than a million times but I couldn’t change her mind, I couldn’t convince her that she wouldn’t feel better this way. Every time I tried talking to her, she would tell me “I’m not punishing myself. This is just what the only way I can feel something” or “The darkness is swallowing me up. I’m trying to save myself”. At some point, I gave up as I realized it was useless. Not because Ali didn’t want to be saved, she was that kind of person, just because I understood the scars of her soul were deeper than the scars on her body.

When I finally arrived at her place, I was ready to faint but I gathered my remaining strength and sneaked in by the door of the kitchen. Yes, just like we used my window to get in and out of my house in order not to get caught by my dad, we used her door of the kitchen in order not to get caught by her mom. The self-centered bitch absolutely hated me. Like really hated me. I bet she would kill me if she could.

I snuck up the stairs with my heart pounding. It wasn't the first time that Ali called me during the night crying but she never did it this late. I knew, by instict, that something was wrong. I have never heard Ali more upset.

I tripped but managed to grab the banister. I was so scared that I couldn't even walk steadily. I had to be quiet though. Another sound could wake Ali's mother and I had to reach her bedroom and check upon her before that happened.

Standing in front of the door of her bedroom, my breath hitched. I crossed my fingers and wished she was ok. When I got in, my heart sunk and my knees went weak. I was a hundred and ten percent not ready for what I saw. Ali was lying on her bed, apparently unconscious, with rivers of blood coming out of her wrists.

“Ali, no!” I screamed.

I jumped on the bed next to her and put her head on my knees. I was caressing her hair while shaking her and begging her to wake up.

.

.

.

Nothing.

I grabbed her cellphone and called an ambulance. I felt relieved when it arrived 8 minutes later because my voice was so trembling that I wasn’t even sure my words made sense.

During the ride to the hospital I was holding her hand while crying. I was doing my best not to start screaming. I had to be calm. I had to be there when she'd wake up and tell her that I loved her and she was the best friend I could ever ask for.

When we reached the hospital, the doctors were in a rush to take her in the surgery. She had already lost too much blood.

I sat on one of those uncomfortable, plastic chairs outside the surgery. They didn't let me in of course... People were running up and down the huge, white corridor. A woman was screaming and crying a few meters away.

She might have lost someone she loved.

The thought made me cringe.

When the doctor came out, I heard the one phrase I prayed not to hear.

“We did everything we could but she was already dead whe she was brought here.”

No.

N-No!

NO!

My best friend couldn’t be gone!

She just couldn’t!

I mean, how was I supposed to live now?

I dragged my feet outside. I needed to breathe but there wasn’t enough oxygen to fill my lungs. I went back to my house, climbed in by the window and collapsed on the floor. I’ve never cried that hard before. Millions of hot, salty drops rolled down my cheeks wetting the cherry colored carpet. I just couldn’t believe it.

I didn’t sleep at all that night. I stayed up listening to music and crying until some beams sneaked into my room by the grilles.

The next day, I woke up at nine and opened my closet. After finding my loose black dress, which Ali loved so much, I headed to the bathroom. As the hot water started cascading down my body, my muscles relaxed but my soul was still burning. I was going to attend my best friend’s funeral for grace shake! After drying my hair and body, I slipped into my dress and ankle-length dark purple converse. I grabbed my i-pod and got out of the house. Even though it was 16th September, the day was unusually cloudy. See? Even the sky was sad she was gone.

Saying that the ceremony was depressing was an understatement. In the end, everyone left, apart from me. I sat next to her grave and sang her favorite song, “The Mortician’s Daughter” by Black Veil Brides.

When I got home, the sky was midnight black. I sat down on the floor and shut my eyes. The room was totally dark but I wasn’t scared of it anymore. Without Ali there to save me, those monsters conquered my soul and the darkness swallowed me up.

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