𝙄𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚? - 𝙧. 𝙨𝙪𝙣𝙖

¡ forty

I just heard her laughing from the other line.

Excuse me, did I miss a joke or something?

"Well I could ask you the same because she left a few minutes ago and is not answering her phone." There was a short break "she said she went home."

Oh hell no. She wouldn't go there alone, especially not at night.

"I'll find her don't worry, I'll text you when I can" I said hurried, wanting to hang up as soon as I can and go after her.

"Suna, wait!" Michi said on the phone. She took my silence as a sign to hurry up. "I need this to be over, she needs it to be finally over, I don't want her dealing with any dumb bullshit anymore and I mean it when I say she deserves better."

Well, that hurt, but it's true. Everything I put her through to 'protect' her was fucking unnecessary.

Yea no shit she deserves better, a child could even see that.

"I know."

———

I knew she wasn't gonna go home, it was probably the last place she wanted to be at, even with only her mum home.

So I went to the only place there was left, and there I saw her.

Sitting on our bench, hugging herself with her arms and probably freezing, staring into nothing but the lights coming from several houses and street lights that you could see from that view. It looked so beautiful yet so depressing.

How do I approach this? Michi already told her.

I slowly walked up to her and already could imagine what was going on in her head.

"I knew you'd be here."

I didn't sit down, I don't know if she wanted me to, I'd understand if she wanted some space between us right now, even if the only thing I wanted right now was to hold her and forget everything ever happened.

She didn't turn around nor did she say anything as if she didn't hear me, her head still hung a bit low. But I know she did, because even in the dim lights that came from a street light nearby I could tell that she tensed up.

I didn't expect her to say anything, it was me who is responsible for this after all. So i spoke.

"I fucked up, I know that." I started, taking one step further so I'd stand next to the bench.

"I don't know where to start," and it was the truth, I had no fucking clue what to say besides telling her how sorry I am. "I know Michi told you everything already and I know you saw me in that alley."

I paused for a second recollecting my thoughts.

"I'm sorry that I lied to you and I know it's the stupidest excuse existing to mankind but I was trying to protect you."

She scoffed. Well at least I got a reaction from her i guess. But no other response.

"I get it if you're mad or disappointed or hate me, you have every right to. But please know I never intended to hurt you or do anything stupid, I promise I'll try to be better."

There was a short moment where I thought she said something when she opened her mouth and it fucking scared me. I could read her and her expressions well, but I sure as hell wasn't a mind reader and didn't know what was going on in her mind all the time obviously. But nothing came out, she still only listened to me, so I said want I wanted to say all along.

"I want to be better for you."

And shit, I don't know if I should've said that, because even though most of her hair covered the side of her face I could see from where i stood, I saw a tear running down.

I want to hold her, I hate seeing her cry, but I know I couldn't right now and her comfort was more important right now.

I wanted to speak again but I quickly closed my mouth again when she took a deep breath.

"I'm not mad at you Suna."

God, I don't know wether to be relieved or scared that something worse was coming. I expect the worse.

'I'm not mad at you Suna, I expected it.'

'I'm not mad at you Suna, I'm not surprised.'

'I knew i shouldn't have trusted you.'

She stood up but still didn't turn to me.

Please for gods sake say something.

(Y/n) took one last deep breath, turned to me and slowly began walking up to me. And at that point I knew it was over, she'd probably slap me across the face, which for the record, I'd deserve, and dump my ass.

But she didn't.

She.. hugged me?

I officially don't understand anything anymore and she seemed to notice my confusion because she began to speak.

"I need this right now. Please" she said against my chest and when I say tears threatened to fall I don't mean hers. I don't think I remember the last time i cried.

I put this girl through so much pain when she only deserved someone that was good for her, I wanted to be that person. But I'm not, at least not yet.

I hugged her back, I needed this too.

I still don't know if I should be completely relieved, this conversation obviously wasn't over. But none of us were in the mood to talk and just needed each others warmth.

I leaned my head on hers with one hand softly stroking her hair and the other rubbing her back, trying my best to comfort her.

"I could never hate you, Rin." She silently said, almost whispering. But I heard her and sighed.

Of relieve? Worry? Angst?

I don't know. But Michi was right, I know that something had to change and it wasn't her, but it can't keep going on like this.

It's not fair to her.

———

A/N:

so, hi :3
First I wanted to say, tbh I didnt really intend on keep writing this story purely because I felt like it was an ongoing conflict that was never coming to end and i
lost the motivation.

But I finally know where i want to go with this book and already have an ending in planning, so there will probably only be a few chapters left until the end (but I'm not promising anything!!)

I hope y'all can forgive me for not only not updating, but in advance for the heartbreak thats about to come.</3