Social-Suicide

Fear

"You have proven to be weak, you fell in love" Dreykov said anger lacing his voice

I knew better than to apologize, apologizes make you weak that's what I was taught.

I nodded

He handed me a gun

Not this, not again, I already killed one of my best friends, I can't kill him too.

"Shoot" Dreykov demanded anger in his voice

I wanted to cry, but I knew what Dreykov does to people who cry, so I took the gun pointed it at Alexi and pulled the trigger without hesitation.

Dreykov chuckled "you really are the black widow"

I then gave him the gun before walking away a single tear falling down my cheek as I did so.

End of flashback/nightmare

I woke up tears falling down my cheeks, I felt angry and sad at the same time, I went to the bathroom grabbing a lighter burning the skin of the inside of my thigh.

"What the hell are you doing" James asked in both anger and concern as he took the lighter out of my hand

"Give it back... please" I said my voice full of sadness

"NO, your hurting yourself, I can't let you do anymore harm to yourself then you already have" he replied almost yelling the first word

I let a single tear fall, back in the K.G.B. James was the person who always made sure I was okay, he never let my reputation define me, he was never scared of it.

James wrapped me in his embrace "please don't hurt yourself...I need you, your the only person I have left" he said I glanced at his face he had tears in his eyes

Those words so true and full of honestly, I couldn't help but embrace the hug further, we stayed like that for a while.

"You want to talk about it" he asked me softly

I took a deep breath "I saw Alexi's" I couldn't finish the sentence I just let the tears fall

He sighed "it's okay...he forgives you"

"How do you know" I asked

"I just do" he replied

The next day at school

As I walked to first block I noticed that Steve wasn't there yet, I brushed it off figuring he was either late or sick.

At lunch Steve wasn't there either.

"Have you seen Steve" I asked as I sat down across from James

"Who" he asked confused

I rolled my eyes "the guy who was sitting beside me yesterday"

"Oh, no, haven't seen him" he replied

I nodded sadly

"Why" he asked

"No reason" I replied

Although I was both concerned and upset that he wasn't here, the old me would have leaped for joy, knowing that he wasn't here, but not this me, this me wanted him here. I waited all day at school for Steve to come, but he didn't, I went home James and I's arms locked together. James and I decided to stop by a small café across the road from our house.

"Oh sorry" James said as he bumped into someone

"Watch where your going" said a familiar masculine voice

I looked up to see none other than, the blonde muscular guy that I had been looking for all day.

"Steve" I called

Steve scoffed "so you have time to go out with him but not me" he scoffed again "what does he have that I don't"

Before I could reply he walked away, leaving a very confused James

"Is there something your not telling me" he asked

I sighed "it's a long story"

He nodded "you can tell me all about it when we sit down"

James and I then ordered and sat down in a corner booth, I told him what had happened between Steve and I from the very beginning to now.

He let out a chuckle "so let me get this straight, Steve bullied you from kindergarten to the beginning of middle school, when you came back he apologized and he asked you out yesterday but you said no"

I nodded

"Why" he asked in confusion

"I can't love, not after..." I trailed off recalling what happened to Alexi

James sighed "he'd want you to move on"

I let out a small sigh "yeah, but sometimes moving on is easier said then done"

A/N
Where do you think Steve was all day? Will Natasha ever get over what happened to Alexi, more importantly, did she actually love him or was it Stockholm sendrom?