Oh Please, Betray Me (DabixReader)

Ch. 4

I've never opened up to anyone, let alone, told anyone the most of my abuse. 

I do regret it, I don't want to be able to trust Dabi. Though, at the same time it felt good releasing and being open and honest. 

It's been a few days since I saw Dabi last and I hope I don't see him today, I can't trust myself around him anymore. Seeing him shirtless and not immediately forcing my self onto of him took more self control than I can afford. 

Normally I would have just had him for a one night stand like I do to keep from growing feelings, but I can't help but stay weary around him. 

I've gotten closer to Dabi more than any one night stand I have had before, now it seems though we could potentially be friends. 

Being close to someone that personally is dangerous for me. 

His reaction towards hero's felt good, he validated me. Not all Hero's are good and he understands that. 

He didn't call me crazy.

The subway doors open, showing the beautiful sunset at my stop in the middle of the city. It's about a ten minute walk to the largest book store in the country. 

I never get to go very often due to my busy work schedule, but I like to go here to be in the quiet and read. 

Of course the voices can make it very frustrating to be in a quiet place, but them being so quiet lately has been giving me anxiety. 

I need someone to talk to.

I get lonely without them, and loneliness is sadness. They speak to me, comfort me, guide me, give me advice better than any 'friends' I've ever had. 

It's hard when you have to keep the only good friend a secret.

People have shown me empathy, but when the topic of hearing voices comes up, people are fearful. It's what happened with James. 

For so long the idea of hearing voices has been synomnous with straight jackets and serial killers, members of society would prefer to pretend we don't exist.

 It would be too hard for anyone-even Dabi to understand that I'm not a psycho.

{"You're not, you're gifted."The voices reassure me.}

"Of course you would say that, what are you without me." I say aloud.

In the busy streets of the city, nobody turns an eye on someone talking to themselves. 

The business people rushing to get to work never bother about anyone except if you're in the way. They are selfish and mind their business, it's nice.

{"You will understand." The voices say.}

They say that every time, I've tried before to ask who or what they are. All I understand is they are nonbinary and they are here to protect me, which they have proven true many times. 

Except around Dabi.

I understand them thinking that Dabi is not a threat, but they have never been quiet when I'm unsure what do to. The voices let me know if I should run or stay, but not saying anything is unlike them.

'Why are you silent around Dabi?' I say in my head while making my way up to the 4th floor to poetry and erotic fiction sections. 

Both genres don't help my loneliness but I can't help it, erotica is intriguing and addictive and poetry allows me to understand emotions in a more meaningful way. Like music does for most people.