Cindy Campbell: Oh, my God!
Mr. Koji: Don't mind her. She slip and fall.
Tom Ryan: [a football just hit Cindy] Oh, my God! I'm so sorry!
Cindy Campbell: [Raspy voice] It's okay. My throat cushioned the blow.
Brenda Meeks: [after greeting Cindy] Cindy! Oh, it's been so long.
Cindy Campbell: Brenda, I thought you were dead.
Brenda Meeks: Oh, I thought you were dead, too!
Henry Hale: I fear the presence of the outsiders will attract those of whom we do not speak.
Female Elder #2: But if you talk about those of whom we do not speak, have you not spoken of that about which we do not talk.
Henry Hale: Do not speak of that of about which we talk of not speaking... about.
Jigsaw: [to Shaquille O'Neal and Dr. Phil] You're both here because you like playing games with people.
Secret Service Agent: Mr. President, the country is under attack by aliens.
President Harris: I'll deal with that later. Right now I want to find out what happens to the duck.
Secret Service Agent: More people will die!
President Harris: The people will die regardless. But this duck still has a fighting chance.
Secret Service Agent: Sir, I've read the book. The duck dies!
[the President spits milk all over the elementary school kids]
President Harris: Good God! That's horrible!
Harper: Sir, you're naked too!
President Harris: I am? I thought this was a wrinkly leather coat!
[points to his nipples]
President Harris: Then these aren't buttons?
Harper: No.
President Harris: And I've been pulling this thing up and down as if it was a zipper!
Cindy Campbell: Last night I saw a face.
Tom Ryan: Did it have a nose?
Cindy Campbell: Well... yeah.
Tom Ryan: That does sound like a face.
Tom Ryan: Ever since the divorce it's like my life has no purpose. Half the time, I walk around feeling like a zombie!
C. J.: Yo, don't joke about zombies. That shit there - that's real.
Mahalik: Yo, you know Nashawn, down on 120th Street?
C. J.: Yeah.
Mahalik: She told me that she heard a zombie going through her trash the other day. The next morning, she turned up missing.
Tom Ryan: Uh...
C. J.: [C.J. interrupts] What? Okay, back up. How in the hell do you "turn up missing"?
Mahalik: 'Cause nobody knows where you are when they realize you ain't there!
Tom Ryan: Guys, I'm trying to ask...
C. J.: [C.J. interrupts again] So you telling me that you can appear and disappear at the same time.
Mahalik: No, man. You can't appear and disappear at the same time. The bitch ain't David Copperfield!
Tom Ryan: Uh, guys...
C. J.: [C.J. interrupts yet again] Mmm. No, no. But you can't be gone from one place and show up somewhere else entirely. So when you turn up, you're never missing. And when you're missing, you never turn up.
Mahalik: Unless... you a zombie.
C. J.: Damn! Hey, that's some plausible shit right there. You should blog about that.
Mahalik: I'm gonna put that on MySpace.
C. J.: You do that!
Dr. Phillip C. McGraw: Your feelings? To hell with your feelings! Everybody with their feelings. I'm obese, my kids a brat, help me, help me! Just shut up!
[Crying]
Dr. Phillip C. McGraw: Why can't I fix anyone of them? I'm so dumb and worthless. Momma was right, momma was right!
C. J.: Zombies!
Mahalik: Grandma? The zombies have got my grandma!
[Mahalik grabs his grandma and starts shaking her]
Mahalik: Die, Grandma! Die! Die! I loved you! I loved you!
Marilyn: [Tom pulls up in his car] Late again, Tom.
Tom Ryan: Hey, Marilyn.
Marilyn: I thought you were moving.
Tom Ryan: Oh, it's all I could afford right now. You took everything in the divorce except my name.
Marilyn: No, actually, the judge granted me that yesterday. You're now officially known as "Horace P. MacTitties."
Shaquille O'Neal: Dr. Phil? What the hell's going on?
Dr. Phillip C. McGraw: I don't know. I was doing a show on teens with abandonment issues and suddenly, I woke up here.
Shaquille O'Neal: Man, those kids are gonna be pissed.
Name that movei!!!!:P
