my secret idol | jeon jungkook

irresistible feelings

- Marw, just open the door and let's talk. I just want to be here with you, I know you are so confused with all of those but you shouldn't be alone and you don't need to be alone on this, please. 

Querida was waiting in front of Marw's apartment. However, she didn't want any company, not even a soul in the place because when she felt like she can't deal with what she felt, she always became that person who pushed everyone away because it was so hard for her to put everything into words and say out loud. 
- I will not go away, I'm just cold a bit but I will wait. I want to know what happened. I'm here, Querida contunied.
Marw sighed and got up and opened the door because, in those short months, she understood how stubborn Querida was.
- Thank you, it is really cold. So, sit down, I will bring some drinks and we will talk, I know you don't need to do anything tomorrow so, we can drink and talk a bit. 
Marw just obeyed.
After a couple of minutes, Querida turned back with some drinks and she just sat right in front of Marw.
- So, tell me, what happened? Because as I know, since 2-3 weeks you were in a such a good mood and as I know, Jungkook was also around you. Did I miss something?
She just shook her head as she wanted to say no. Querida just watched and pushed the bottle in front of her.
- Bottle up. 
She took a big sip.
- Now, talk, please. That really concerns me. 
- I just don't know what should I say...
- Just put some words out, I can't let you stay silent. You just left after the class right away this week, I thought maybe Jungkook is picking you up and you don't wanna be seen.
- No, no... Actually.. he wanted to but I told him not to do it.
- but- why? What happened suddenly? I thought you liked him.
- I do...
- Then? What's wrong?
- I'm just so afraid. 
- Of what?
- It will sound so stupid because we are just friends, I know it but-
- Mmm, first of all, I don't think he thinks that you will stay just friends but yeah, keep going.
- I'm just afraid if someone sees me... when I'm with him.
- No one will see you Marw.
- I saw they have so many stalkers all the time. I searched for so many things, I don't know how i would deal with this. 
- What's there to be afraid of?
- What do you mean? Do you think if tons of people think that I stole their man, they would give me any peace?
- I don't say all of them would get it but I'm sure they would want him to be happy also. And it's his decision.
- What if they try to hurt him?
- No, they can't, he is very used to those situations and he would also not let anyone hurt you. I know them for a while and you can be sure that he would do anything to keep you safe first.
- I- he didn't even ask for anything but I'm so afraid that I will be terrified if he wanna go on a date and if something happens and-
- Shhh, silent a bit. Oh my god. What an overthinker are you. Drink up. 
She put her bottle up again.
-Okay, I guess, you have to talk with him about those.
- No, no, then he will think I already think that I wanna be in a relationship with him, he is just so good to me.
- Marw, people don't spend their precious free time with someone that they don't care about. Just text him or call him. 
- It's too late and I'm a bit tipsy. I can't now. 
- AAAAH, you drive me crazy. 
She took her phone and called him.
- No, no, no. It's late no-
Then he answered.
- Hello?
- Oh, hi ahm.. sorry, did I wake you up?
- No, no worries, I was just on my phone, you never call me at that time, what happened? Is everything fine?
- Yeah... no. I don't know. 
- What's wrong? Are you safe? Where are you?
- Yes, yes I'm home. 
- What happened? 
He sounded so worried. 
- Nothing. I just wanted to ask one thing... she felt so bad to call him and make him worried at that time....I'm not sure if I should and what should I say.
- Do you want me to come over?
Querida shaked her head.
- It's too late, you should rest also. 
- Then, tell me. I'm very curious now. 
- I just thought... if we go out and If people see us, what would happen and how they would react.
- This is what you worried about at 02:03 in the middle of the night? He giggled a bit.
- It is really not fun for me now... 
- But it is funny because you think I don't know about those? So ahm. Okay, listen now, can you? Let's say, theoretically, we went for a date and people recognized me and they started to take pictures, some people started to come next to us. What do you think would happen?
- I don't know, maybe they get angry at you or at me.
- They can't do any of those because wherever we go,  we would not be visible, I would have 2-3 people from the crew and people know they are not allowed to take pictures of us. If they do, they get sued and I don't think anyone wants this from our company. 
She was just listening.
- There is no need to be afraid because I would protect you also. No one can do anything to you. Understand?
- Mhh hmm...
- Is that why you didn't want to meet with me this week?
She kept silent.
- Okay, I got it but I didn't like that I couldn't see you. I would like to change this. 
- What..
- Do you want to meet tomorrow? Then we can talk in detail also if you want to.
- Tomorrow?
- Yes but if you don't sleep, we cant meet. That's the rule. 
- Okay, I will sleep. Thank you for talking with me at that time, really.
- I'm happy to hear from you but mm, let's talk tomorrow, okay?
- Okay, see you tomorrow.
- I will text you when I wake up, sleep good, he sounded tired and sleepy also.
Querida was just looking at Marw's face. 
- What are you thinking right now?
- I feel so bad now... I don't even understand why he wants to see me more...
- Because you are interesting to him and he looks comfortable around you, I know what are you trying to mean with this sentence but don't even talk about beauty and bla bla. As he said, let's sleep now. You'll need a coffee in the morning, I'll stay here if that's fine, she just smiled at her and she knew she didn't need to ask this Marw at this point. 
-
Marw just laid down on her bed, she could feel the alcohol in her veins, she could never deal with alcohol good but she enjoyed drinking a bit, she just hated to be fully drunk, a little bit of tipsiness was fun for her. 
She turned her head to her wall and she started to look at the painting that she did in the first month when she moved here. 
In the painting you could see a small explosion, the corners were starting black but it was getting brighter and brighter in the center. The main colors were, black, green, red and white. Through the explosion, there were two strings attached to each other, one of them was red and the other one was black, they were coming from different ways but they were finding each other thanks to that explosion and they were holding on to each other. 
When she painted those strings, she thought that there must be one soul for her, one soul that would tie her broken pieces together and they could dance in peace together. 
She realized that deep down inside, she wanted her black string to be him... Everything was so easy when they were together, they didn't need to make plans to have fun, they were just having positiveness from each other. Also, she really liked how he smelled. "He smells so clean, like... baby and flower field," she thought. She knew she was falling for him so deep and so fast... but she couldn't control her feelings, she wished to have a button that would help her to turn off her feelings... but she didn't have it... she knew that she started to fall in love with him...
She fell asleep with those thoughts.