The Last Honor

25. Against the will

"Don't go away too far," Yin-Yu called after Shen, who had preferred to go outside for a moment.
"Don't worry," he reassured her. He wasn't angry with her for her care, but he still found it a little embarrassing if someone had watched him.
When he was finally a few meters away from the house, he breathed a sigh of relief. He was very fond of Yin-Yu, but now and then, when he was looking at himself in the mirror, for example, he wondered what had become of him.
Many years ago, he wanted to conquer China with iron severity, and now what was he now?
The soothsayer had spoken to him often enough about this ambiguous topic. She had to calm him down more than once to keep him from relapsing again. At first, it was extremely difficult. But over time the urge to conquer China subsided, but it still flared up again and again.
The former white tyrant looked over the valley with a sigh. When he thought of that time, he met it with mixed feelings. For one thing, he wondered if he had met Yin-Yu again if he hadn't listened to the dragon warrior's words. On the other hand, he wondered what would have happened if he had won the fight against the Kung Fu masters. What would he be today instead? A proud indomitable ruler? With a powerful empire? Shen imagined what China would look like then. Would flags with his symbols hang on every corner? Guards posted in every village and town? And above all... would everyone have bowed to him... from fear of his weapons?
He remembered how the villagers from the Valley of Peace had bowed to him. Not out of fear, but out of respect. Even the panda...
The white peacock shook his head. No matter where his thoughts went, they always ended with this black and white warrior.
Annoyed, he sat down on the grass. He would love to have a day when he didn't have to think about this panda. On the other hand, he couldn't deny that he wasn't dead because of him...
Shen winced. The slight pain in his stomach reminded him again of the pain in the dungeon, in the torture room... His torn-out feathers... his broken wing, his broken leg... There was nobody who helped him... except for one...
Shen let out a snort and dropped into the grass. Again that black and white dead end. He had to think of something else. He looked up at the sky. White clouds passed over him in the blue sky...
His train of thought stopped again.
Blue.
"I like blue," Shenmi's words came back to him.
The lord turned his head to the side.
Why blue of all things?
And why did he have to be blue of all people?
The white peacock propped up on his elbows and looked down at the hut. The thought of the person sitting there who ruined almost his entire future made his stomach contract.
He sighed.
His future...
A future he hadn't planned on. All through his youth, he had been working towards something completely different. Even back when his parents were still alive...
Shen's thoughts made a huge leap in time into the past.
His father was blue. Is that why it was in Shenmi's nature to like the color blue?
He raised his wing and looked at his white feathers. Then he rubbed his feather fingers together. His gaze wandered back to the sky and he held his white wing against the blue sky.
Why was he white? Would his father have wished for a different colored son?
If his feathers had turned blue like his father's...
Blue feathers...
Blue...

Almost 40 years ago ...

Shen was just a few years old and was glad not to have to stay in bed anymore after getting sick all the time. At least from his point of view. Actually, he wasn't allowed to go out of his room, but today he couldn't take it anymore. Whenever he escaped from his room, he was caught again and again. But that shouldn't happen today. He had chosen a hiding place where he wouldn't be found so quickly. In his parents' bedroom. No sooner had he opened the door, he slipped under the large bed. He chuckled inwardly. They would certainly not suspect him here.
He lay on his stomach and imagined how the ladies-in-waiting and attendants would look for him in vain. Maybe he was even lucky and his parents would check on him sometime. He had hardly seen them. Neither of them had really looked after him lately. The staff was responsible for that.
While the little white peacock was following his thoughts, he calmly let his gaze wander. From this point under the bed, he had a good overview of the floor. He could even see under the cupboards.
He winced, when he saw something under the bedside table. Curiously, he crawled up to it and reached under the cupboard, where he took out a small black casket. He looked at it in amazement. It didn't look very valuable. The surface consisted of a black base painting, yellow decorations and around the edge it was coated with mother-of-pearl. Usually, such things were neatly tucked away in closets, but not tucked under them where they could get stained with dust.
Shen crawled closer to the edge of the bed to the light, just to see what was hidden in this little box. He loosened the lock and opened it. He looked in. Instead of finding gold or something else of value, there was nothing but a small blue feather inside.
Shen raised his eyebrows. What kind of strange treasure was that?
He took out the blue feather and looked at it from all sides. The feather was small, but it wasn't a down feather. It was stable and straight. It had to be a kind of feather finger, but it was far too short for that. He looked at his wing, then he held the little blue feather to one of his finger feathers.
"It fits."
He put it in his plumage and looked at the blue feather in his wing among the white feathers.
Could he even fly with it?
He crawled out from under the bed and flapped his wings hard, but he couldn't feel the difference. Maybe he would need more of that little kind of feather.
He knelt down and looked under the bed table, but everything underneath was empty. He went over to the other large closet, but there was no box underneath.
"Shen!"
Startled, the white chick turned. His father, Lord Liang, stood in the door frame.
Shen got up quickly. "Oh, hello dad..."
"What are you doing here?" the blue peacock asked agitatedly. "Everyone is looking for you! You shouldn't leave your room!"
The boy shuffled his foot shyly on the ground. "I'm fine..."
"Only you mean that!" Lord Liang admonished sternly. "Now go back to your room before you fall over again!"
Pouting, the young peacock retreated. But before he could get past his father, Liang's eyes fell on the open box on the floor.
He ran over there immediately. When he realized it was empty, he turned angrily to his son.
"Shen! Did you get something out of here?!"
Shen turned to him in surprise. "Why? There was only the one in here..."
He held up the little blue feather in his wing.
"GIVE IT BACK!"
Lord Liang tore the feather out of his son's wing as if he were afraid that Shen would break it like glass. The big blue peacock hugged the blue feather while the little white peacock looked at his father questioningly.
"Who does this feather belong to?" Shen asked.
The peacock father hesitated.
"It's m-mine..." he replied timidly.
It didn't sound that convincing somehow.
"Now go back to your room!" He ordered sternly, even before the boy could bombard him with questions.
Shen turned to the door, feeling offended. But before he left the room, the white chick looked behind him again and saw how his father put the blue feather back into its hiding place and closed the lid...
He had never seen that little box again...