DEFENDER [hs]

Chapter 28

I stopped by a café, ordering the usual dark black coffee to satisfy the demon in me. He was this evil alter ego that controlled how I viewed the world. The past people I've worked with called me psychotic for speaking my thoughts and their not wrong.

I know there is something wrong with me but I won't admit it.

Not to anyone at least.

I never want to loose dominance or power. That's a big fear of mine. 

That's also the reason why I decide on quitting Josh's shady music company. I want to be in control of the stuff I put out. Specifically music.

So to hell with Josh and his crazy ideas. The man just uses me for money and his own fame.

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Jamming the key into the keyhole as the door unlocked. I removed my shoes and placed them on the vintage-looking shoe rack. 

I did what I did every day. Have a shower, cook dinner, binge-watch old episodes of 'Undercover', and work on music a little. 

Today, however, I skipped everything and went straight to my work desk in the comfort of my own room. I already had a setup for creating and producing music but all I need is a record label that will take me for the music I make and not use me to just make a few thousand.

I turned on the computer and logged into the software I was using. Not that I was professional or anything but I am learning this all by myself. 

I could survive off my parent's fortune for my whole life. They were loaded.

However, it's the music I want to put out. Music is a bigger priority of mine over money.

 My father used to quote Frederick Dellius all the time saying 'music is an outburst of the soul.' 

If you enjoy doing something you love, the money of fame wouldn't even be a prime concern.

I went through a few of the tracks that I had experimented with during these last few months. My feet tapped against the under desk footrest of my computer set up as I listened. I bobbed my head and fell into this headspace. 

I was proud of what I had created. 

Just scared to put it out. That's all.

I sighed and placed my headphones down. My feet carried me to the kitchen and I opened the fridge and grabbed an apple and an oat bar. These past two years I couldn't care less about my health and started smoking more often than I liked. I work out every day and eat healthy on a regular. 

Or sometimes eat whatever I find. 

I wonder what my parents and Gemma would think if they saw me in this state. I guarantee I would be called a disgrace. A shame to the family even. 

But here's the thing with not having family, nobody gives a fuck. I'm free to do whatever even if it means not taking care of my so-called well-being.

Every day coming back from Jack's office felt like hell. Dinners were often skipped as I almost immediately head to to the gym and start working out. An easy and healthy way to relieve stress I tell myself all the time.

I sat on the counter and placed my fingers on the temple of my head and began gently rubbing them to give the brain some relief. I closed my eyes and took deep breaths. My body physically couldn't head to the gym today. 

Groaning, I got off the counter and headed back to the room for a long shower. I removed my clothes and headed to the bathroom when I heard my phone notification went off. Thinking it was a business email or any job opportunities, I dashed towards it only to see it was a text from a friend of mine, Niall.