wilmon summer chronicles <3 (young royals)

five (5)

july 6th

*wilhelm's point of view*

it was 3 in the morning again. except this time i wasn't crying over simon. yes, i was still crying, but instead over erik.

i got the reminder on my phone. he would be 22 today. he is 22 today.

and i'm such a bad brother i had to use my phone to remember his damn birthday. what the hell is wrong with me?

i could tell mom and dad were upset about something today, or really yesterday. i didn't want to ask. i should have. because now i'm 3 hours and 4 minutes into his birthday. his first birthday since he's been gone. and i'm so lost and scared.

i can't talk to simon about it. we've never really talked about erik.

what is wrong with me to think i can't talk about him to my boyfriend? my boyfriend of almost 7 months. my boyfriend that was with me the day i lost him. my boyfriend who helped me greive. my boyfriend erik never got to meet.

i cradled my knees in my arms. i wasn't crying anymore. there were no tears coming out. i was just rocking myself, choking out noise.

i wanted a hug, but i also never wanted to touch anyone ever again. but i wanted a hug more.

no one was awake at this time, but i still found myself bringing my feet to the hardwood floor. lifting myself from my bed. leaving my phone behind as i opened the door.

and there it was. his room. i haven't been in it since before i was sent to hillerska. i wasn't going in. i couldn't. but it was nice to pretend he was behind the door, sleeping or doing something on his phone.

no.

i can't think like that.

he's gone.

but really, i don't know how to think. i never got the chance to actually grieve. i got to the shock and denial part.

flashback

"erik is dead."

i dropped the phone. i think it broke. i don't care.

erik isn't dead. that's not- no. erik isn't dead.

he knows better than to drive too fast. he's a great driver. he's super careful, always paying attention. he would never go too fast. he drives like a grandpa. he barely pushes 10 under the limit on highways. erik is not dead.

the next day

i'm going back to the palace today. they keep telling me they are sorry for my loss. but i didn't lose him.

he's not gone.

a tear slipped down my cheek. the first one i've been able to get out.

he's not gone. he's not gone. he's not gone. no. no. no. no. no.

four days later

today is his funeral.

he's actually gone.

one week later

i was going back to school today. i needed school. i needed to fill my brain to take a little bit away.

end flashback

after that there was another shit-storm. but it never went away. it was always sitting in the very back of my mind.

and now i didn't know what to do.

i needed closure. i needed it to go away today. right now.

i walked back into my room and closed the door, moving over to my phone. i wiped the tears off of my cheek again and started typing a text.