the royal family of the music industry

12. From The Dining Table

"Lou, this is bullshit-" Harry doesn't swear often. But the sentence that had just left Louis' mouth deserved it.

Louis cuts him off, though.
"No. We both know it. We do. You have so much potential hiding inside you, just trying to break free." Louis starts and his voice is finally audible.
"And it's eating you up, because I'm stopping you and I'll always stop you because we'll never be able to come out." His voice breaks and his eyes are filled with tears, as he slightly points into Harry's direction.

He breathes in through his nose quickly, wiping the tear with the sleeve of his jumper.
"And you deserve everything you want but most of all, you deserve freedom, which is the only thing I'll never be able to give you."

Now it's Harry's turn to be quiet for a while, shaking his head a bit, his bottom lip trembling.

"I don't want that if that means I can't be with you." He says eventually, his voice cracking.

Harry had thought about this topic for hours, over the years. And always, always had he come to the the conclusion that Louis goes first. Louis is more important than anything else. Louis is the sun and nothing works without the sun.

"Harry-"

"No, Lou, don't you get that? We've talked about this! I only want to be with you, it's always been that way. I simply can't live without you and if I need to, I'm willing to sacrifice freedom, like we both did for years now. I'd sacrifice everything for you, I thought you knew that by now." Harry can't help but feel a little disappointed.

Cold, sad, confused, tired and disappointed. Because they both know that they can't live without each other. They can't stay away from each other for more than two weeks. They need each other like they need oxygen. They need each other to breathe.

"I can't do that to you. That's too much." Louis says, another tear falling from his eye, as he shakes his head to himself, slowly turning around.

Harry's eyes widen and he quickly sets his body into motion, stumbling over the boxes and following his boyfriend quickly.

"You're not doing anything to me. It's my decision. I'm not letting you run away from me." He says, walking after Louis into the hallway.

"And I'm not letting you waste your happiness."

"I LOVE YOU, LOUIS." Harry's voice is loud, he's almost shouting the sentence he's told Louis so, so many times.

Louis stops at that, back stiff and he turns around again, looking at Harry.

"I love you." Harry breathes out again, looking at Louis through a blurry vision, tears falling. 

He looks so small, so helpless, so sad.

While doing all this to Harry, Louis still manages to look like he's the one getting hurt.
Louis still manages to make Harry want to comfort him, instead of screaming at him.

His eyes are so full of apology and regret.

Why is he doing this?

He stands there, key already in hand and looks at Harry, who waits for the fucking answer.

He looks at Harry, bloodshot blue eyes meeting bloodshot green eyes and his bottom lip trembles. Harry senses that he wants to say it back, he really wants to and his body almost betrays his brain as his mouth opens for a split second before closing again and he inhales shakily, not saying a word.

Instead, he grabs the handle of the door and opens it, still facing Harry.

Harry who can't really understand what's happening yet.