Love You In My Mind // Sirius Black

Chapter 24

"Did you practice?" Sirius asked suspiciously, grinning after I'd answered another one of his questions correctly.

My smile widened, but I didn't tear my gaze away from the sparkling stars. I shrugged. "Maybe."

"Definitely," Sirius corrected. "We've been doing this for more than half an hour and you've only had five questions wrong!"

I crossed my arms, grinning crazily. "Maybe I'm just talented?"

"Who are you and what happened to 'I'm a lost case'?"

I still didn't turn to face him. Truth to be told, when I had been home alone in the evenings during the holidays, or when only my father was at home with me, I'd taken a blanket, sometimes a cup of hot chocolate or tea as well and moved to Francisca's balcony. I'd just looked at the stars. They had given me company and let me feel at peace... And they had reminded me of Sirius. When I'd felt lonely and looked at the stars, it had always felt as if he was with me. That had comforted me.

And by all that star gazing (and sometimes flipping through my Astronomy book to compare and research), I'd involuntarily improved at identifying stars and constellations.

But I was too embarrassed to tell him that, of course.
"An enlightenment," I said simply, now finally feeling brave enough to look at him.

Sirius' grin widened. "So it didn't have to to with the fact that you missed me? Or wanted to impress me?" He wiggled his eyebrows, and I shoved his shoulder, laughing through my blush.

"Get outta ya!"

"Okay, okay." Sirius looked at the stars again. "A final question.... Hmm." He squinted his eyes in concentration, before his face lit up. "What's that star there called?"

I followed his arm and grinned. I saw what he did there, the narcissist. The star he was pointing at, although it was far away and pretty hard to spot, was shining brighter than all the others, so it could only be one.
"That's Sirius, who belongs to the... Erm.. Canis major constellation?"

Sirius laid a hand on his chest and gasped in mock horror. "How did you know the star's name?"

I lifted my chin in a jokingly proud manner. "I recognise a Sirius when I see one."

Now it was Sirius who shoved my shoulder. He scoffed. "Oh please."

I had to giggle at his antics, which would've totally embarrassed me, if he hadn't joined in.
But since he did, I was just able to enjoy that moment with him.
I wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere else, or with anyone else at that moment.

It was just perfect.

Sirius sighed happily and sat down on the floor. He looked at me expectingly and tapped the floor on his left.

My heart fluttered at the gesture, so I moved to sit down next to him.
Then we both laid down on the wooden floor and looked up to the sky.

"I just realised that we can't do this when it rains. Or when the sky isn't cl-"

"Shh," Sirius interrupted me. "Shut up and let's enjoy the moment, okay?"

I turned my head to look at him. I smiled happily when I saw that he had his eyes closed and a smile on his lips as well. He sighed happily.

As if he'd felt my eyes on him, Sirius turned his face to me too.
He took me in, and I tried my best not to blush even more than I usually did around him.

"I'm really happy you're my friend," Sirius finally said, still smiling.

My stomach did somersaults.
"Me too."

That was another one of these moments where I questioned my decisions. Was it really the best thing to keep my feelings hidden?

Sirius' eyes were sparkling and I drank in this moment. Whenever he was near me, he made me the happiest person ever. What was so bad about this?
Nothing.

I was just too scared. Too scared that he didn't feel the same. Too scared that he didn't want me. Too scared that I wasn't good enough for him.

Sure, Sirius had his flaws. He was kind and a good person at heart, handsome and a skilled wizard, but he could be arrogant, hot tempered and impulsive.

But I didn't care about all of that. He was everything I wanted, flaws and all.

Looking at his happy face that moment, I wanted to tell him. I wanted to be with him.

But I had to resist. It was better if I kept quiet.

With a tug in my chest, I looked away from Sirius
But at least I had him close to me. He was an incredible friend, and that was something I really knew to appreciate.

We were laying there, and I didn't know about Sirius, but my mind was wandering off.
After a few minutes, I was thinking about Remus' condition and my plan.
My heart rate sped up and I took a deep, nervous breath.
"Sirius, can I ask you something?"

"Anything," he immediately answered.

I gulped. "Can I borrow the Marauder's Map in... About three weeks? I might need it for a couple of days..."

I could hear Sirius turning his face to look at me, so I turned my gaze to him as well.
He looked confused, albeit curious. "Why?"

What was I supposed to answer? The truth would ruin the mission.
Thinking rapidly, I shrugged. "You said I could borrow it, and I think it could come in handy for a few late-night-studying trips to the library. Maybe even the restricted section."

Sirius' face scrunched up in disgust. "Eww, don't say more! That's so you. Out of all the things you could do with the map!?" He rolled his eyes, sighing. "Although I think that this is kind of a disgrace for the map, I'll talk to the others. You've helped creating it, so it's only fair that you can have it."

I suppressed a relieved sigh, not even caring about his accusations. "Thank you."

"Hmm," Sirius said. He shook his head disappointedly, but his expression morphed into a smile soon after that. "The things I do for you, right?"

I returned the smile.
"I know, you're the best."

"Hell, yes I am."