After All This Time

I Don't Want to Let Go

"Will I ever see you again?" Eli asked, moving his head off of her shoulder so he could look into her eyes.

"Of course, honey. I'll see you in your dreams, just like this one." Kathy whispered, smiling softly at her son.

"Okay." Eli whispered, sad that he had to leave her. "Bye, Mom. I love you."

"I love you, too, sweetheart. Goodbye for now." She whispered, hugging him tightly for a few moments. After they pulled back, she watched him stand up and walk a few feet away. Then he stopped, turning to smile and wave at her. She returned the smile and waved back. Then, he turned back to face in front of him as he disappeared off into the distance.

Eli woke up, shooting up into a sitting position as he breathed heavily. He had never had such a vivid dream like that before. It felt real. Almost too real. He laid back down slowly and closed his eyes, hoping to see his mother again. Even if it was only in his dreams now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A few hours later, Eli woke up and wiped the sleep from his eyes. He tried as hard as he could but he didn't have another dream like before. It broke his heart. He considered going back to sleep again but he knew everyone would be waking up soon anyway. He sniffled softly as his thoughts went back to the dream. It hurt knowing that that was the only way he would be able to see her now. He just wanted the pain to stop before it became too much to bear. So, he did the only thing he could think of, something he hadn't done since he was little. He prayed.

"God," he whispered, folding his hands together and bowing his head as he closed his eyes. "I don't know if You're listening but I hope You are. I need help." His voice cracked as a tear ran down his cheek. "I don't know what to do. The pain won't stop and sometimes I feel like it never will. Please, help me. I'll do anything. I'll be a better brother, I'll play with Tyler whenever he wants me to even if I don't feel like it, I'll do better in school. Whatever it takes to make the pain stop, I'll do it. Please just...don't let me feel like this anymore. Amen." He finished and wiped the tears that were streaming down his cheeks. He just hoped that God or whoever was out there was listening.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Hey, Eli. What're you up to?" Elizabeth asked as she stood in his bedroom doorway a few minutes later.

"Homework." Eli replied, trying not to let it show that he was about to cry. He was trying to focus on a math assignment that his online tutor had given him for homework but he couldn't. His thoughts just kept going back to the dream.

"You okay?" She asked, hearing his voice crack slightly.

"Yeah, I'm good." He spoke softly, sniffling quietly as he turned, facing the window so she couldn't see his face.

"What's wrong?" She asked, walking into the room and sitting next to him on his bed.

Eli turned to face her as tears were forming in his eyes again. "I...I had a dream about Mom. We were sitting by this lake she and Dad used to go to when they were back in high school. It felt so real, Lizzie." He whispered, trying not to cry.

"I know you miss her, we all do. I'm so sorry." Elizabeth whispered as she wrapped her arm around her younger brother.

"I would give anything just to have her back with us. It just hurts so much." Eli cried softly, tears starting to stream down his cheeks.