Fictional- L.C.

01

☆Pink Suitcase☆

       The brunette was a lot of things, Jacob always believed that strong was one of those things. Her ability to handle a messy situation calmly was something the younger boy always admired about her. And yet, in that moment as he watched Iris walk out of her old apartment complex, the last of her belonging in a pink suitcase at her side, he hated it. She was too put together when you looked at her. You'd never imagine what she was going through. She seemed like she was on her way to a vacation, not like she was headed to a car that held all of her belongings. One would never imagine that the girl had only slept a few hours a night for the past week, or that she couldn't quite look one of her best friends in the eye.
      The girl pulls open the back door of the drivers side, placing the rolling bag onto the backseat before slamming it back shut. "You ready to go Jake?" He nods, slipping into the passengers seat. Hazel eyes look over the building one last time, saying a silent goodbye to the only home she had ever known. Iris couldn't quite put a finger on the emotion she felt, but maybe she was just too tired to feel any true emotions at that point. She had reacted that special kind of exhaustion that could only come from being physically tired while having an emotional shut down. And the girl hated it, was it denial? Is that the stage of grief she was in? The girl didn't think she fit into any other box, maybe depression or anger, denial was one of the faster stages right? When she got to the hospital, that was denial, wasn't it? Or was that bargaining? Maybe the police showing up at Jake's house was when she was in denial? Iris didn't quite know, she heard about four different people list the stages to her, the statement "healing isn't linear" being hammered into her mind along side it. But genuinely understanding it was a different story, she had never dealt with grieving a personal loss before. The girl shakes her head, pulling the drivers door open as she slips into the seat. Key slipping into the ignition as if she was on autopilot herself.
"Are you sure you're okay to drive?" Jacob gave her a worried look, the last thing he wanted was for her to break down while driving. "Yeah Jake, I'm okay. Let's get to your place." He wanted to correct her, it wasn't just his place now, but part of him knew it wasn't the time. Whatever got her from day to day, right? The girl's hand lands on his headrest for a moment as her car backs out of the parking place for the last time. "If you want to find something on the radio you can," she flashes him a soft smile. The look on her face almost seemed like an apology, as if he was having something forced onto him. The boy reached forward, messing with the dial to find something.
The driver had the route to the Black household down to muscle memory, every turn and curb memorized to a tee. She had spent almost every weekend over there since she was a kid, she was lucky in that way she guessed. She had a safe spaced that wanted to open itself up to her. The trees passing by her were almost comforting as she allowed herself to zone all her thoughts to the road, a song she swore was by Muse playing on the radio but she wasn't quite sure. The boy in the passenger seat kept sending her small glances, preparing for the worst. Jacob, if he was honest, was excited to have her around. If maybe a little guilty too. This was the worst week of her life and he was trying to contain his own excitement of having one of his favorite people around. Of course Jake had sisters, two to be exact, but Iris was still somehow the sister he never had. He trusted her completely and she was helpful in a way his real sisters just weren't. Rebecca's old room getting a new inhabitant could be a good thing, eventually.
Their surroundings began to be more familiar, soon their house with Billy on the front porch was right in front of them. Iris parked her car in her normal spot, the opposite side of the porch from Billy's truck. The girl leaned back in her seat, this was it. She was officially living with Jacob and Billy, and it was bittersweet. She was happy to have them closer, they were a good support system, and somehow the Clearwaters, Quil, and Embry always seemed to find their way around. Iris knew she wasn't alone but maybe she wasn't ready to try to start healing yet. Maybe she wanted to still be on her floor, indecisive on what she wanted to keep of her parents belongings and what she was okay with getting rid of. It was real now, she had dropped her keys off at the front desk, the apartment was empty. Her eighteenth birthday was four days away, and she wouldn't get flowers from her mom, maybe she'd go get her mom flowers though. That could be her new tradition, couldn't it?
Her door being yanked open shocked her from her thoughts, jumping in her seatbelt, "Woah, hey!" The nervous face of Quil stares back at her as he clasps his hands in front of him, "Oh, sorry Ris, just missed you." She shakes her head, undoing her seatbelt, "You're fine Quil. Where did you even come from?" He moves to let her out, the girl giving him a hug as she stands. "The garage, Em and I were waiting on you." "Oh, thanks," she lets go, giving him a forced, soft smile. "We also wanted to help you get moved in," he gestures over to the back seat and trunk, Embry and Jacob pulling her suitcases from them. She grabs the pink suitcase from the back, waving over at Embry. "Hey Hall, how you feeling?" "Tired," the words come out somewhere between a grumble and a mumble but he caught it. "Then let's get your stuff in the house so you can sleep, yeah?" She nods, walking behind Quil as he runs to get the door. Billy softly grabs her hand, "Hey Iris." "Hey Uncle Billy," she squeezes his hand before he lets it go. "Go ahead and get set up, dinner is almost ready." "By that he means, the pizza will be here soon," Embry calls up to them, following them inside. A soft smile makes it way onto her face, a real one this time, "You're just going to call him out like that, Call?" "Someone has to," he shrugs, pushing past her to Rebecca's old room.
When the brunette meets up with him, her bag that he grabbed is thrown on the bed. The sheets were obviously freshly changed, white comforter and sheets replacing what used to be purple. "Did they buy new bedding?" "Yes, we did. It's your room now, we didn't want Rebecca hanging around too much. She's got her own room with her husband now," Jake smiles at her, dropping the last of her bags onto the bed, "It's a clean slate for your decor from your room." She nods, letting her suitcase rest beside the door, "Thanks Jake but you really didn't have too." "We wanted to, now I'm going to get your box from the car, give me your keys I'll lock it." "No, I've got it," she argues, turning on her heel only to be met with his unamused face. The boy raises and eyebrow, hand out waiting expectantly for her keys. The brunette sighs, dropping them into his palm. "I'll be right back."
The room falls quiet, Iris sitting down on the bed as the two boys left lean against her dresser. It was weird, the group being silent and borderline awkward. None of the teens remember a time that they were awkward around each other. Sandbox love was something that sticks with you but how you ended up in that sandbox doesn't, and so they had no memory of a point where they weren't always comfortable. Jacob walks back in, Iris' box of decor from her old room under his arm. He drops it on the dresser behind Quil, her keys following behind with a soft rattle. "Hey guys, let's give Iris some space right now, so she can get settled, yeah?" Embry and Quil both look at him, the former turning back to Iris. She gives him a soft nod, a quiet okay, and the duo follow Jake out of the room. Embry graciously closing the door behind him.
     Iris had been in this room a million times over, yet it felt wrong to be in there now, Rebecca's things being removed to make room for her own. The Hall girl felt like she was stealing from Jake's sister, first her brother, now her room. She was racking up quite the record with her thefts. Not like the girl cared, last time she saw Rebecca was at her wedding, she joked that Iris had to fill her role as Jake's sister and Jacob said she already had, her childhood bedroom was nothing to her now. But Iris couldn't get over the feeling that she was the odd one out. The girl reached for the backpack Embry brought in, dragging out a pencil bag and a leather bound journal. It felt silly when the social worker gave it to her, claiming that it's good to write out your feelings. She remembered looking at her like she was stupid but now her she was, digging out a pen to write in it. The pink ink swirling onto the page.

".  It's Saturday, August 13, 2005. There has officially been a whole week since the car accident and I've decided to use this journal. For now at least, I don't know why, I thought it was a stupid idea. But here I am, the day I turned in the keys to the apartment I lived in all my life and my first response it this stupid fucking book. I think it's because I feel out of place. I moved in with Uncle Billy, he cleared out Rebecca's old room for me and I feel like I'm disturbing the peace simply being here. If I voiced that to anyone they'd assure me I wasn't. It's in my head I'm sure but, I've never been in a room with Quil and Embry and it be silent before.I wonder if they're as scared to bring up the accident as I am?
     I guess that doesn't matter though. My birthday is in four days. August 17th the big 18. And I find myself wondering whether I should spend it at the cemetery. That makes me crazy, doesn't it? Wanting to spend my birthday buying flowers because my mom isn't here to buy them for me? Or maybe that's a part of grieving, I wouldn't know I threw away that stupid pamphlet that the social worker gave me. How is a piece of paper going to explain grieving to me anyway? I Uh, I don't really know how to end this,no one taught me how to end a diary entry. So uh, here's Iris, signing out."

    The brunette closes the book, staring down at it with a frown. Did it really help at all? Maybe it did, her chest didn't feel as heavy as it did when she walked in, but maybe that's just because she's alone. A knock at the door catches her attention. She was supposed to be settling in, how will it look that she just has a journal and pencil bag out? "Hey Hall? The pizza is here," Embry's voice is gentle from the hallway. "Thanks Embry, I'll be there in a second." And Iris took a deep breath, and prepared herself for the most awkward dinner of her life.