Marvel Imagines

what more can i give ➳ bucky barnes

hey everyone! it has been a while but I'm back and come bearing a gift! I hope you guys enjoy this one :)

The knock on your door is soft and shy, unexpected in the early spring morning. Bucky shifts his weight from right to left, metal fingers crumpling the little bouquet of flowers in his hands. He notices and instantly loosens his grip, tries to relax, tries not to think about the reaction you'll have. It's been a while since Bucky last saw you.

The memory comes to his mind before he can stop it, of him packing his belongings into a suitcase, of your pleas for him to stay and promises to work things out. Your cries echo in his mind, and he's pulled from his thoughts with you opening the door.

With your hair still messy from sleep and dark circles beneath your eyes, Bucky wonders just what, exactly, his leaving has done to you.

"Hi, wow, it's here already? I could've sworn it said a week to go—"

Bucky manages to draw enough courage to meet your eyes, and of all the reactions he'd anticipated, this was not one of them. "Were you expecting someone else?"

You narrow your eyes at him, hands reaching for a pen now falling by your sides. "You're not my online shopping."

"No, I'm not. Can I come in?" A part of him hopes you'll say yes. Another part expects you'll slam the door in his face.

Awful lot of nerve for showing up at my door unexpectedly, you figure, but open the door to let him in.

"I have to be honest, this is an unwelcome surprise. When you broke up with me, I thought you meant it." But you take the flowers from his hands anyway, and press your nose to the petals. Sunflowers always were your favourite. "You remembered."

"I... of course I did, y/n, I remember everything—"

You hold up a hand to stop him, and he holds his breath. What had he expected? For you to open the door with a smile, invite him in and offer him your heart again? Bucky could slap himself, but chooses to curl his fingers in the sleeve of his jacket instead.

You place the flowers into a vase with a sigh, not yet daring to make eye contact. "What do you want from me, Buck?"

"Your forgiveness," he rushes out, cheeks flushing from how the words had left his mouth embarrassingly quickly. "I just... Please understand..."

The script in his mind, the lines he had to recite were so simple. He'd gone over them a hundred times in the car, playing out every scenario, how he'd ask for your forgiveness and hope you'd give it to him. Why was he tripping over his tongue now?

Bucky huffs in frustration, and starts over. "Look. I'm getting married next month, as you probably know."

The twist of your mouth suggests that you do, in fact, know about the infamous engagement of Bucky Barnes and Natasha Romanoff. But he keeps going, growing more confident with your silence. "And I... look, y/n, I don't think I can marry someone else without having your forgiveness. I know I fucked up, we both did, and I guess I just hoped—"

"You hoped what, exactly? That I'd give you my permission to marry the love of your life after you ruined me? You don't need my blessing, James. Do what you want."

The sharp change from affectionate Buck to stone-cold James makes it hard to breathe, an unexpected punch to his gut. The change in his features, despite his best efforts, is unmistakable to you, always to you.

You almost feel sorry for him, but your anger surges within you. How could he ask for this? Bucky had been your everything in those seven years of bliss and heaven and adoration. You'd given up every inch of your heart to him, showed him every damned piece of your soul and dark thought you'd ever had. You thought you were going to marry him, and now he was marrying Nat after six months of being together. What more could you give him after that?

It had taken you three months to piece your heart back together, two to scrape up the shattered parts of yourself and and form it into some semblance of a soul. And now he was asking for your forgiveness? You dropped your head in your hands, palms pushed so far into your eyes you could see stars. Trying to hold back your tears of frustration was hopeless, but you couldn't let him see you like this. You weren't strong enough to bare the depths of your soul again.

"y/n..." His voice is soft, impossibly soft, and you meet his gaze with an ugly sniff of your nose. "Honey, I know it hurts, but I had to ask."

"You don't know what you're asking of me." Your voice breaks, and you have to look away from those baby blue eyes. "You can't just knock on my door and ask for my forgiveness like it's nothing because I don't... I don't think I'n ready to give it to you. Not yet, anyway."

"I know." Bucky knew it was an impossible ask. He thought you were in tandem with him, finding a better place for yourself as he found Natasha, and seeing your once-confident form shot through with insecurity breaks his heart. You were supposed to be fine. He needed you to forgive him for being fine. "Do you think you can, someday? That someday you'll be able to forgive me for what I did?"

You tug on the end of your shirt, an old henley Bucky had left behind. "Today is not that day, but I... I hope so, Buck. I want to give you that."

You both stay in your places for a while, you staring down at his borrowed henley, him watching you with that damned facial expression of pity. At some point, you're not sure when in the muddled time of this moment, he wraps his flesh arm around you and you push your face into his chest. He's changed his cologne since he left, but his underlying scent is still the same, of clean air and cold winter mornings.

You want nothing more than to melt into him, to kiss his neck and never let him go. But Bucky belongs to someone else now.

You're both silent when he eventually lets go, walking to the door and stepping outside. You lean on the doorframe, finding the strength to voice the question that's never failed to keep you up at night. "Where did we go wrong, Buck? I keep going back over everything you said, how you left me there and I... I would've loved you for a lifetime."

His answering sigh is defeated, his eyes reveal a barely-concealed, unfamiliar grief. "I don't know, doll. I should've stayed, I know, but I just couldn't... I don't know. I should've been a better man to you. But I hope you find happiness, because you deserve it, y'know? You deserve happiness after everything I did to you. I don't think I ever really apologised for that."

"I accept your apology—" your voice is little more than a whisper—"and good luck with Natasha. You deserve your happiness too."

You let him go with a weak smile. He gives an unsure nod of his head, before forcing a smile and there he went. He left your life again as soon as he entered it, taking a piece of your heart with him.

It took all your strength to stay standing.

After giving you the best I had
Tell me what to give after that
All you want from me now
Is the green light of forgiveness
You haven't met the new me yet
And I think she'll give you that