Espera | R. Grayson ✔

[21]

Richard held his throbbing head in his hands, fingers pushing through his messy hair as he took in a deep breath to compose himself. But he wasn't able to calm down until Barbara reached forward, cupping his face in her palms.

Right then as he looked up at her, those icy blue eyes were full of guilt, regret and pain. He looked no different than the twelve year old who had watched the only family he had crumble down to their death, the realization of being forever alone in the word seeping into his young heart.

Right then, he seemed a reflection of the Richard that had disappeared after the incident at Haley's Circus.

Young, terrified, pained and haunted.

Her thumbs stroked his cheekbones, wiping away the tears that had streaked out. It hurt her to see him like this for she had never seen him so broken and hurt before. He had always covered up what he really felt with his charming smile and daring persona and at times when he couldn't cover it up, he would mask it with anger.

But right then, he hadn't covered up anything and since he had told her the truth and lain bare a side to him that he hadn't shown to anyone, he was looking up at her with a fear in his heart that she would leave him.

He knew he was flawed and he was definitely not good for someone like her but so far she had overlooked all his flaws. Still how could she overlook the fact that he had killed once and eluded capture too?

How could she overlook it that he was no longer just a suspect for a crime but had actually confessed to a deed he had done years ago, back when he was just nineteen?

"How did you do it?" She asked, her hands still lingering on his cheek, "Richard, trust me, I am not interrogating you but..."

He took in a sharp breath, "I told you I won't keep any secrets from you and I meant it."

"I promise you this will only stay between us," she convinced him, "whatever you tell me won't reach any other soul."

He nodded, knowing he could trust her, "I was nineteen when I got my revenge on him. But now I've realized that even though I succeeded in taking revenge, it was still of no use. It could not bring my parents back, it did not quench the fire inside me, in fact it only made everything a lot worse... It made me a murderer."

She kept silent, letting him resume with what he was telling her. She knew it was hard for him so she stayed close to him, wanting him to know that she wasn't going to forsake him due to that truth he had shared with her.

"I ran from the orphanage I was put into and then ended up in the juvie. There I found out about Zucco and his gang, I used whatever info was available to plan my revenge against him. They say the juvenile hall is for young delinquents to correct themselves and that in itself is a big lie... All the people there learn from each other, if anything it only makes them... Us... Sink deeper into the quagmires of crime. I fluctuated from the streets to the juvie; they would get me out and somehow I'd be put back in. And that's when I began to use that to my advantage. Every day I spent there, I kept thinking about how to take Zucco down. Planning it from all I had learned, all I had found out. Each night I replayed it in my head before going to sleep and whenever I got caught in the scenario I would go over my plan and reevaluate it. By my seventeenth birthday, I had gone over the plan multiple times and never once gotten caught. I knew it would be the same when I would implement it. The first thing I did after getting free from the juvie was taking that plan to completion."

His voice was unbelievably steady as he recounted everything, but his eyes told a different story altogether.

His eyes were in conflict.

When he stopped at last, he had tried to turn away from her, unable to look at her due to the guilt swimming in his eyes. But much to his surprise, Barbara wrapped her arms around him reassuringly, bringing him close in a comforting hug.

It was the first time Richard had ever felt completely devastated but right then with her arms around him, a shaky sigh escaped his lips and he nestled his head on her shoulder. She had come to mean such a lot to him in the short time they had known each other that it scared him to even think of parting with her.

His grip tightened on her and she felt him bury his head deeper. "Richard, please, look at me."

"No... How can I even face you after this...? I'm sorry..."

She tilted her head, kissing his head while her hand stroked his cheek softly, "look here, please."

Reluctantly, he brought his eyes to look up into her forest green irises.

"I am not going to leave you just because you killed a gangster. I am not saying what you did was right but I can see that you've realized that, you know it. And as long as you stay firm to not take a life again and as long as you're willing to move on towards a better path, I will be right here for you."

"Babs... I have no words... Literally no words on how to thank you..."

She leaned closer, her forehead resting against his, "don't thank me, prove me right and don't make me regret trusting in you."

He nodded, "I promise, I won't ever let you down."

***