After Allison, Klaus, Vanya, and I got tacos, we headed to the salon that Allison works at. I sat in one of the chairs and watched everyone get drunk while I just drank some water.
"Is the world really gonna end in six days?" Vanya asked.
"Well, it did last time, and we did everything Five could think of to stop it," Allison said as she did Klaus's hair.
"Hey, wouldn't it be weird if Five grew up all hot?" Klaus asked as he stood up and walked over to a chair and sat down.
I smile and shook my head. "He already is," I whispered.
"Wouldn't it that be weird?" Klaus asked.
"What?" Vanya asked.
"Eww," Allison said.
"Oh, eww! Eww! Please, Miss "Luther was my lover"," Klaus said.
"We have never even kissed," Allison said.
"Yeah, but you guys were making a little sick moon-dog eyes at each other. All through puberty and breakfasts and all that," Klaus said.
"Why are we talking about me when Five and Y/N are literally in a relationship?" Allison asked.
"Yeah, well..." Klaus said as he took a drink from his flask.
"Aren't we all brothers and sisters, or..." Vanya said.
"Well... technically, it--" Allison started.
"Technically? If you have to use the word... use the word Technically, you're already in trouble," Klaus said.
"Klaus, you ship Five and me more than anything," I said.
"Yeah, you guys are adorable together," Klaus smiled.
"Okay, can... we focus?" Allison asked.
"I think I'm more focused than any of you," I chuckled.
"That's because you're the sober one here," Klaus said as he started to fill his flask up with whiskey.
"Focus!" Allison said, "I mean, clearly we aren't saving the world tonight, but maybe, maybe we could at least try and save my marriage."
"No!" Klaus yelled as he spilled whiskey everywhere, "No, because that's like... that's like asking a nun how to hump someone's leg. I mean, who in this room, besides Y/N, knows shit about relationships? This one!" he points at Vanya, "In a secret love with some farm Frau."
"Her names Sissy," Vanya whined.
"Which is an improvement on her previous love interest. The serial killer," Klaus said.
"What?" Vanya asked.
"Later," Allison whispered to her.
"Meanwhile, I, carrying the torch... for a soldier that I technically haven't met yet, and Luther is in love with his sister."
"Okay, again, we are not biological," Allison said.
"Face it, the healthiest long-term relationship in this family was when Five was banging that mannequin," Klaus said.
I picked up a can of hairspray and chucked it at him. It hit him in the shoulder, "Ow! Sorry, Y/N. I know you hated her."
I glared at him.
"The only thing the Umbrella Academy knows about Love..." He raises his flask, "Is how to screw it up!"
"Cheers," Allison and Vanya said as they rose their drinks.
YOU ARE READING
Connected- Five Hargreeves x reader
FanfictionY/N Hargreeves (AKA: Number Eight) and Five Hargreeves were inseparable growing up. They were always there for each other. But when Five jumped into the future, Y/N suddenly went into a coma. She woke up 17 years later when Five returned. Both of t...
