Brothers In Arms

Help

*Three years later: Chicago,Illinois*

   Waking up was hard for Benny by now. Having to get out of bed and see himself in the mirror sucked. If he had a warped vision of himself before he definitely does now. He sighs as he stares in the mirror, eyes looking over his flame scarred face and shoulder. Luckily the flames had just missed his eye so it's only the side of his head and cheek then all the way down his right forearm. He sighs before turning the shower on and hopping in to wake himself up. The door opens and he hears the sink come on then peeks outside the curtain to look at Cas who smiles tiredly and starts brushing his teeth. Then the door opens a second time and Dean just sits on the toilet with his head resting on the sink most likely waiting for Cas to get done brushing his teeth.

   "Guys let's go to the Navy Pier today." Dean mumbles thirdly and the other to guys mumble an okay. Benny grabs a towel and wraps it around his waist then steps out of the shower before going to get dressed.

   He stares at his clothes for a second then grabs a pair of dress pants, some vans, a brown sweater, and Cas's trench coat which is kind of big on him. After he gets dressed he heads into the living room and throws the coat on the back of the couch before going to make breakfast for all of them but gets stopped by Dean who's wearing multiple layers of flannel and a leather jacket, "We're going out." He mumbles then wraps Benny's arms around himself and leans into him, "Hug me."

   Benny sighs then wraps tight around Dean and presses his face into his neck. After a while Cas comes in and kisses Dean's cheek then pats Benny's head, "Tell me next time you still my coat Bear." He says then rubs his back and flops down into the couch. After a while Dean and Benny make their way over and they sit together and watch the news for a little then get up to go into town. Benny ends up in the back seat since he doesn't really care and feels like he doesn't have the right to sit with the other men anyways. He rests his head against the class and wraps himself in Cas's coat while thinking about how he isn't worthy to be here.

    The Humvee fire was his fault, if only his driven more carefully, if only he'd listened closer, if only he'd been the one to die instead. It's his fault Lucifer and Arthur are dead. And that's why he got hurt, because he deserved it. That's why he's so ugly now. And the only reason Dean and Cas stay is because they feel bad. The only reason Sorento, Eli, and Gabe still talk to him is because they think he's crazy. And he deserves every bit of it because it was his fault.

"You guys cool with Pancake House?" Cas asks bringing Benny out of his thoughts.

"Yeah that's fine." Benny says softly and continues looking out the window. Dean looks over at Cas in concern then over his shoulder.

"Babe are you okay?" He asks quietly and bites his lip, "Do you need to talk about something?"

"No I'm just tired you don't have to worry about me." He whispers and adds a small smile. Dean turns around and frowns then rests his face on the window and closes his eyes. Cas sighs and turns into a parking lot but instead of getting out he locks the doors.

"We're going to talk about our feelings guys." He says and Benny sighs then puts his face in his hands while Dean bites his lip and stares at the dashboard, "I know it sucks but we're in this together and we need to to be able to talk to each other. I love you guys and I want to be able to help you but I can't if you don't let me know what's wrong."

Benny tries to unclock his door and get out but Cas just locks it again causing Benny to groan loudly and slouch in his seat, "We-we don't have to it's not important I'm just not having a good day okay?"

"Last time you were 'just having a bad day' you didn't say anything and cried for three hours then wouldn't let me or Dean check on you so it's obviously not 'just a bad day' Ben. You're hurt and we can't help you unless you talk." Dean sighs and looks at Cas then back at Benny before twirling his t shirt around his finger.

"Is it because of the humvee accident? Is that why? Because neither of us blame you for that you couldn't have known Benny. No one knew." He whispers and bites his lip, "We still love you the same but you've been pushing us away and it's hard to show you how we feel when you won't let us." Benny's throat gets right and he clenched his jaw while squeezing his hands into tight fists so his fingernails dig into his skin.

"I-I..." he lets his head hang and closes his eyes, "If you guys don't like me just tell me. I'm ugly now. I'm no fun anymore. I cant make jokes and make you laugh. I cant make you smile. And it's all my fault and-"

"You literally make us smile all the time Bear. Whenever you call us pretty. Or tell us you love us. Or just, when you're just you you make us happy." Cas says and scoffs while smiling, "We love you, so much. And a few scars aren't going to change that. You're still handsome and smart and funny. You're the same as you were. I mean yeah you're traumatized but anyone would be."

Benny licks his lips and nods, "okay." He whispers and both Cas and Dean look at each other then look back at him, "I'll tell you guys when I don't feel good from now on."

((A/N: I'll prolly write more tonight Bc I'm watching football rn🤌🏻))