(JIKOOK) - The Beast Within Me

Chapter: 9

My knapsack hugged my body, my back straightening and head rise a little higher. So far, during these two weeks no one has bully me and honestly I was appreciating the alone-time.

That is, until someone decided to prove me wrong.

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"Hi dweeb" I stood there rolling my eyes, glaring at her with all the resentment I could muster; she chewed her gum in a fastidious manner, her hands twirling slowly in her blond locks. I was an idiot to think they had long forgotten about me, at least I'd make it for almost a week without her bombarding how useless I am.

I turned my gaze, instinctively trying to get pass her but she shoved her hand in my way, blocking my path to escape; I looked up at her, her cocky smile at full display.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"What a wimp!"

"Ewe, don't you have anything better to wear..."

"Exactly, I've never seen clothes like that...Did your mom make it?"

"Yeona oh my God that is so mean, you forgot she's dead", they laugh simultaneously.

"Even your parents wants to kill themselves to escape from your ugliness, that is so sad...Did you cry about it? Your looks that is, I mean it's enough to start a world war" I frowned upon her.

Soyeon scowled at me, her hands grabbing hold at my face to see a clear reaction, "wait is that tears that I'm seeing? Is little geeky gonna cry".

"I bet he's a mommy's boy"...

"What a joke", they mocked, and I finally found the strength to shove her away. They could always stop me but instead, they let me go, and I couldn't think about any reasons whatsoever, maybe it was there satisfaction to have long last seen some signs of "pathetic-ness" that I swear I wouldn't show. It hurted me a lot, maybe my parents was dead and didn't at all abandon me. I always wish one day they would suddenly appear before me, just to take me back, and I would forgive them for throwing me away. I would forgive them, because I knew they would not like me at all, I am weak, useless and pathetic. I'm sure it was a burden for them that I have been born, but to hear it said directly to me, I felt the pitiful emotions that I once hated, and despise. I felt pity for myself...I never wanted to feel like that, because that emotions alone shows how 'weak' and 'pathetic' I really am, and it makes me hate myself even more, even deeply than I already do.

..............................

Upon that heated day, my mind was the opposite of being clear; it was more irresolute, unnoticing of wearing my emotions upon these sleeves. With each stride my thoughts became even further away, as if growing a physical distance between them had become an emotional chasm. As the nascent sunlight caressed my skin, I remember him, and somehow the broken feeling I previously had went away, a bit amusing by the thought of him; only once, could make me feel better about myself. I abruptly paused.

Just past this curved is my house, I didn't wanted to go inside, I'm sure that if I was left alone in there I will just tried myself with unnecessary unresolved thoughts. My eyes closed shut, accepting with a deep breath, a swift of dewy air, then with each stride after that I felt more in charge, in command of my own mind, body and soul. I stride out each bare soled upon the ground, taking a solid turn around the curve - and I stopped.

The path ahead was suddenly alive; fission of awe as my eyes opens gently, before I slowly walk up to my house, the street light dimly flickering, over their head.

"Why didn't you come to school?"

"Sorry" was his first respond, the laugh apparent in his tone, "no you're not, seriously, you didn't even try to make an excuse about it", I respond flatly, stepping away from him with a sigh.