COMRADES • Eren Jaeger

CHAPTER 39: Regrets ⁿˢᶠʷ

You had to disagree with Floch's statement. Beaurlin only reminded you that you never knew your family and would never understand why they had to die, apart from being nobles. The cause of their deaths had never been found, and every time you asked about it, it was always the same answer — "they died in a mass murder during the fall of Wall Maria."

Another cold breeze swept past, causing your dark cloak to swish about and brush fluttery hems against Eren's hipbone.

"It will do," Eren said, not bothering to look back.

"We couldn't clean the whole village," Floch rushed to say, striding at his side. "We only cleared out a few houses since it's only going to be for a few days."

You didn't say anything. Floch lowered his voice to address you.

"The younger ones will be together, but, uh, I know that you and Eren wouldn't want to sleep in the same room as us, so..."

You broke your silence to face him. "What is it?"

"You and Eren won't be with the rest of us."

"Why not?"

Floch averted his eyes. "Eren's orders, not mine."

You pretended to be unaffected and instead faced forward for the rest of the walk to the block. There, you could see the row of houses, and at the end, your old, once-rotting house. The place was crawling with foot soldiers already. When they saw you and Eren approach, they immediately jumped to attention. They were ill-faced and serious, but evidently itching to fight the incoming war.

Your face mirrored Eren's in the way that it was apathetic. "Lots of people," you said. "You said that there's more of us hiding in the military?"

"Yes, ma'am. All of us are only waiting for your orders now."

You mean Eren's orders, you sneered.

Disinterested, you broke off from the group and headed towards the end of the camp. You had nothing to say to them: talks of their dreams were pompous, pointless, and pathetic. You'd rather do something to keep yourself busy — business, strategy, defense — without asking for the help of other people.

"Where are you going?" Eren asked, not seeming to mind the eyes watching you and him. You didn't turn back and continued walking away to the edge of the village, where it opened to a wide field of grass.

"There are some things I want to do alone," you answered. "The higher ranks among us have everything sorted out. My presence is not needed with you."

"Discussion about the situation in Stohess District?"

"Premier Zackly is dead, the military is in shambles, and Commander Pyxis is most likely the next candidate for leader," you replied. Your voice echoed with the wind in the gray village. "Give them one day to come up with a plan."

You ended the sentence with a tone of finality that suggested that the topic was over. Eren and the rest watched as you left, stomping out until you were in the outskirts. You only stopped when you were behind your house, leaning against the wall and gazing at the view beyond. It was so deep within the Walls, and so peaceful, like everything untouched by humanity.

Here, the grayness of the abandoned houses came to a halt and the sunlight broke through the dark clouds. It overlooked a sea of nature that reminded you of a time from years past. The grass was taller than you remembered it to be; meadow-like but still green. All that was missing were weeds in the somerset fields.

You hated it. The scent of myosotis in the air. How could the world be so beautiful when you were allowing Eren to destroy it? You were sensing too much, overstimulated, drowning in the drab colors that looked so bright around you. You swore. You were losing it again. But what mattered now was that you were alone.