Glitched Hero

Dinner & Diatribes

And so the time passed until it was around the next day, and around noon there was a sudden slam of Fury's door. He sighed.

"They make these things lighter than expected? What are they made of? Ah! Right, Director Fury. I don't suppose you have a spare face-changing thingy just lying around, yeah?" Error came barging in. He looked like quite a mess, but he was filling out resumes and working on how to make it look like he was around 29 or something instead of the millions of years he is. Finding a job in a collapsing economy is hard.

"You want a holographic mask to get a job, yes. To get a job at, as you said, 'Jackie's Sweets and Bakery' in Queens. You want one of the leading devices in spying to get a job without being denied." Fury said, more as a statement than as a question.

When the idea was said aloud, perhaps it was a bit worse than he thought it was. Using one of the leading technologies that humankind has made so far to work a shitty 9-5 job for 2 years just to make some extra money. He did have a little more than one million dollars from the business deal made a couple of days ago. Whatever, he will rent a good apartment and do what he can for the people around him. It's not like he will live here for the next hundred years or so. Probably just around 10-15 years which is much longer than a few people would like he was sure.

"Yes..." God, he was a fucking fool. He looked like a dumbass right now. He looked more human than he has in his life and here he was looking to be greedy and want more than he had. He didn't even look like a skeleton, he could probably get a job just fine-

Fury sighed. "Please do note that if you were anyone or anything else than what you are you would not be receiving this. You can effectively do the job of 5 Avenger level personnel and if you refuse to come in even once without reason, we will assume you have gone MIA and kill your false ID, bank account, and documents. You will be discarded without a second thought. So please make sure to make good use of the fake background we have set up for you."

"You already have a background for me?"

"Of course, you are neither God nor human and will not receive good light from the press without some work. You will be known as Evan Yubeta and bring no attention to yourself. You lived in the busy city of Columbus, Ohio for most of your life and moved to the town of Prescott, Arizona. Later you moved again to New York City to find a job that supports the dream of being a clothing designer. You were homeschooled for all of your life and graduated high school in the top percentage of your class. Your powers will be categorized as a more mutant type power, much like the hulk. Your eye color changes and you gain marks on your face. With these changes, you also get the ability to create a string-like material that can bend to your will. You cannot do anything else and you will not use these powers in public as we have hidden a majority of your presence from the media but nothing is untraceable. People still have the chance of recognizing you from small clips in the news, or on social media. Now, any questions?"

Error stood there, shocked. They must have been able to tell that his purple-blue scarf was hand knit and thought he had enough skill to make this backstory work. Perhaps Error could even try to get into a college during the two years and take leave while working for SHIELD. They will probably call him in during the situation in two years. Maybe some small things in the meantime as well.

"Good, you will receive your documents and papers later this week. Make sure to memorize your new birthday."

And with that over Error left the SHIELD building. In the next week he went to go get an interview with Jackie. The interview went smoothly enough, with the omission of a few rocky questions about his time in Ohio and when he forgot his fake birthday.

And so life went on like that for him. He was one of the best cake designers in New York by the end of 5 months. He met the soon-to-be Spider-Man at least once a month, as well as visits by the other Avengers that were still allowed in the public eye.

Error himself was recognized a few times walking home from work. It was a rare thing though. Talked with them, and he asked them if they wanted a picture because he had found that people sometimes forget to take pictures. For small things. To post on their social media, to brag to their friends, all kinds of things.

Time dragged on and on, and eventually, two years passed as slow as it could.

Omake #1

The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny

"Ahhhh... Ahhhhhhhhh... Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... Hello? My name is Evan. I am a normal person who definitely is a human being. I am Evan, what's your name? What- What's your name?"

Error was practicing an ability he found out he could do moments ago. If he tries, he can take away the glitch-like effect on his voice that he had for millennia. He, however, found that it takes a shit ton of energy and focus to keep his voice like that.

"Hello, my name is Evan, what's yours? God this fucking hurts. I am a part of the Avengers. Wait what is something Tony would say, say something he would. I- I am Iron Man. Hello Pepper. Peeeppppppeerrrr. Happy, Happy, Happy. Kid, Spider-man, spider-kid. God, I sound like every single Sans ever. Hello Error! I am here to kill you and save the Multiverse from your evildoing! I am the true and only good in this hellscape of existence!"

Error was sitting in a park near his future job. Fixing his appearance of a button-down shirt and slacks. Of course with his scarf and trench coat. It was mid-Fall anyways, no one would find it too weird. And with everything read, he began to walk.

The bell rings out, calling to attention the one person whose approval he wishes dearly for. And there she was, Jackie. Owner of "Jackie's Sweet's and Bakery" and one of the few people who could very well decide Error- Excuse him, Evan's future. Perhaps it would be for the best if he just left- nope, he's already sitting down. Right across from her. Great. No backing out of it now.

"Hi! It's good to meet you."

"Hello," act confident, make no mistakes, eye contact, nope scratch the eye contact. Feels fucking weird. Talk normal, normal voice, no glitching or echo effect.

"Let's just hop right into our interview then, huh?"

"Yep," Error said with his best 'god I'm in so much fucking pain, the social anxiety, it's killing me' smile.

"Why do you want to work here?"

"I want to work here because of the opportunities and the paths this job could open up for me, and where it could lead me in this industry." Don't say you're here to make money, don't say you're here to make money, don't say you- "I am very interested in taking my cake decoration skills to the company and seeing what I can add to your business."

"Good, good, great to hear," She scribbled words down on a piece of printer paper. "What would you say your greatest strength is?"

"I learn quickly and have a," and so the interview went on and on, dragging out throughout what felt like hours to Error.

Eventually the hours passed and soon, the next day, he was accepted into the new job. He celebrated with newfound fervor. He, the killer of millions, would have a job! How surprising! If Ink could see him now. He would probably still try to kill him honestly, not a new revelation.