Heart at War // JJ Maybank

24

I gently placed the covers over top of her body, laying on my back as I listened to her shaky breathing next to me.

I didn't know what to do. I was never good with emotions or dealing with feelings. I've never comforted someone like this either, and I wasn't used to seeing Lena so... So hurt. I knew this was going to be hard on her, it didn't matter what I did to help comfort her.

This wasn't the death of someone she loved, she loved Logan. This wasn't an area I had experience in, I don't have the kind of relationship she had with my father— I wasn't sure how I could help, but I knew that I wanted to. I wanted to be there for her because as of this moment in my life nothing has ever been more important to me.

I hold my breath as Lena turns slowly, her arm wrapping around my waist and laying her head against my chest. I slowly ease into it, turning onto my side and holding her close to me. Our legs intertwined under the covers, I could only think of one thing.

I rub circles on her back, inhaling the vanilla-scented shampoo she's used since we were kids that always made her smell so irresistible. For as long as I could remember, rubbing circles her back on calmed her down in ways I never understood.

When she had anxiety attacks in school, I'd trace circles on her back while she leaned her head against the table and I always felt so proud when her breathing became normal again within minutes. It was something I don't think anyone else realized, or maybe they did but it didn't work the way it did when I did it.

With time, tracing circles on her back became one of my favorite things to do. I loved the way her breathing would steady, or at night when we'd lay in bed I'd watch as her eyelids began to flutter as it put her to sleep. She was the most beautiful when she was relaxed, I could watch the way her body responded to my touch for hours on end.

"JJ?" She mumbles, her voice vibrating my chest as I feel her breathing slowly calm down...Inhaling and exhaling normally again.

"Yeah?" I whispered back.

She nuzzles her head in my chest, humming and taking deep breaths... I knew she was close to falling asleep, and I knew it was what she needed right now.

"Thank you..."

I place a kiss on the top of her head. "Always."

I spent hours tracing circles on her back, making sure I would be up if she suddenly awakened and needed my comfort. That is all that mattered, what she needed.

Three Days Later

Lena Boggs

           "It just seems too soon to have a funeral!" My Grandma shouted as she argued with my Mom, as I sat emotionlessly at the kitchen table that was full of random casseroles and many other types of baked goods that so many people have brought to our house since my father's dad made headlines.

"What would you like me to do, Maggie? Keep his body sitting in the morgue rotting away until you're ready to have a funeral?" My breath hitched in my throat, as my Grandma's wide eyes met mine.

"COREENA!" She screamed at her in anger and frustration, my Mom turned to look at me as well before sighing and pinching the bridge of her nose. "I'm sorry... I'm... Fuck, I'm sorry, Lena." I just nod at her, shaking it off and turning to look out the kitchen window.

"He was my boy," My Grandma cried, my heart clenched at the sound of her sniffling and I refused to look back at the two. "I'm just not ready to bury him."

It's been three days since he passed away. The last three days I had spent locked away in my room refusing to speak to anybody, but JJ who would sneak in through my window at night because he knew I wasn't able to fall asleep on my own. He didn't push me to talk unless I wanted to and I've never been more thankful for that.