Second Chances (Ricky + Nini)

chapter 23 - i thought we had more time

"No.. actually. I didn't know how to tell him." 

"What ? Why? You know he'll support you no matter what." 

"It's not that. It's just .. Thanksgiving he's supposed to be in Chicago with his mom, remember?" 

Nini did not remember, and now she was kind of sad because she wouldn't be spending Thanksgiving with him. It was her second favorite holiday and she definitely thought they'd be walking around Central Park, watching a show or two on broadway and just doing romantic things together during that weekend. She can't believe she forgot. But it wasn't a big deal, Red and Ashlyn would be there, and she would help them on their special day, she was sure she would have a good time nonetheless. 

"So you're worried he would feel left out?" 

"Yeah." Red said. "But I'll talk to him when I see him tomorrow. He'll understand." 

"He will. Just make sure you bring him spaghetti and meatballs, and tell him that he'll be your best man." 

Red laughed. "Alright. Thanks for the tip, Neens. And for everything." 

"No worries. I'm really very happy for you, Red." Nini smiled. 

"Thank you. Love you." 

"Love you too." 
__________________

Ricky was on the phone with his mom, just catching her up on his life. They'd started this monthly phone call ritual a few months ago, and Ricky thought that it was going really well. They were kind of getting to know each other again, and Ricky sometimes felt like he was back in middle school, telling his mom about his day. 

He was currently telling her about his recent trip to New York, and his project with Ethan. 

"That sound's like a great project, Richard." Lynne said to the receiver. "I would like to see the photographs once you're done." 

"Yeah?" Ricky said. "I'm hoping that people will become more aware of the cause and also I might add it to my portfolio." 

"Your portfolio? Are you thinking of a career change?" 

"Kind of. I've recently resolved to be ... braver. To be more open to showcasing my work. I guess I'm trying to figure it out. When it started I was making art, you know.. Now I just feel like I'm taking photos just to pay the bills." 

"Maybe you should think about your raison d'etre. Why you started taking photos in the first place?" 

"That's exactly what I've been thinking about, actually. It's because of you."

He told her the story, and she was actually sad at first, because she didn't realize how much her leaving had impacted him. But he ensured her that it was all in the past.

"Well at least something good came out of it." Lynne said. "You're so talented, and you need to have some faith in yourself, Ricky. When I left it was never because of you. It was because I wanted to chase my own dreams. I was unhappy with your father. You were the best part of our marriage, you made us so happy, Rick. I guess I just wanted to forget about my failed marriage. By the time I realized that it wasn't the mature thing to do, you were all grown up, and you hated me. Rightfully so. I never wanted you to feel inadequate. It was never you. It was me who was unfit to be your mother." 

Ricky didn't realize there were tears rolling down his cheeks. All his life he'd been wondering whether he would ever be enough. When she left he felt like he wasn't reason enough for her to stay, and that's where his insecurities were rooted. To hear her say that he was enough, that he made her happy was cathartic. He took a few breaths to compose himself.