What We Wouldn't Say Aloud

i miss u

I'm always searching for you.
I search for your warmth in cups of your favourite coffee,
and pumkin spice lattes.
I search for the sound of your laughter
in between the funny lines of your favourite books.
For your gentleness in stories about love and poetry.
And for your voice in the chorus of our favourite songs.
Search for your face in crowded of strangers,
And your smile in book stores, and coffee shops,
the grocery store
everywhere we've been together.
But it it's not here in your favourite things that I find you.
But rather I find you in the cold,
lonely nights were I cry alone in my bed.
I find you and the end of broken promises.
I find you in the emptiness you've left,
the heartache you've created
And the parts of me you've destroyed.
I find you
leaving me
at the edge of the sidewalk,
with no way to call
wondering how I'll get home,
knowing you won't  come back for me.
It is here that I find that you,
because this was not love.
Love is supposed to keep you safe,
But even you could not protect me from the coldest parts of your self.
This was not love,
At least not the kind that's reciprocated.
This was hurt.
And hurting is were I feel nearest to you.