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by gigibuffon

by gigibuffon

I can't say England is much better than Belgium, but as soon as I stepped out of the airport, I fell in love with London's cool surroundings. The plane landed at Heathrow airport, half past three am, so I couldn't examine the environment well.

It was so damp and foggy that I couldn't normally distinguish anything ten paces away from the airport. I managed to catch a taxi and in some twenty minutes, I arrived at my apartment that I bought two months ago online (my friend checked out the house itself instead of me). Even though it took an hour and fifteen minutes to land in London, I still felt so tired that I didn't have any energy to unpack my suitcases.

I didn't have any coffee before taking off, but despite this, seemed like I wasn't sleepy at all. Just tired. The house looked fairly classy and beautiful. While exploring the rooms carefully, I kind of felt bad that my friend, Ariana had to do so much work in taking care of my apartment.

The only thing that my place lacked of was my furniture clothes. After somehow pulling the pajamas out of the suitcase, I changed into them and headed to one of the bedrooms in satisfactory. I didn't know where to take my diary, so I placed it on a nightstand next to my fluffy bed. Instead of trying to sleep, I found myself staring at it.

I wanted to read what I had written in it, but I was doubting doing so. Not that I was afraid. It has been rather long time for me to get over the break-up and have a sturdy character formed. In spite of this, I still grabbed the diary and opened it.

august 22nd, 2012

"dear diary, I think I would not be able to go through this all if I hadn't spilled out all of my thoughts on your pages. you're one of two people to whom I tell what I truly feel.

I don't trust people anymore. and it's the best decision for me. If I trust less, I'll get hurt less. maybe that's the only good thing I have left from my previous relationship. the only thing I can thank him for is for showing me that everyone leaves.

no one is permanent and at the end of the day, the only person I have by my side is me. I can't even pronounce his name out loud normally because he makes my heart hurt. the blame's on me for trying to understand everyone and everything.

I wish I had never fallen for him in the first place. he was the one I loved as much as I love myself. and he turned out to be the one to hurt me so much that for a point in time, I wanted to be dead.

I wasn't raised to be a scared and a frightened girl.

I can't live like that.

Sorry mama.

Sorry papa.

I'm just losing hope."

While reading this page of the diary, I got agitated and made my lips twist into a small insolent smile. Thinking of how I had transformed from a hopeless, feeble girl to the strong and sturdy woman I am now, is the best feeling a girl can ever feel.

He made me feel like crap after he left but I had bounced back and made myself better. It's just funny that so many days had passed, weeks had passed and the years passed without him but now I even miss missing him. That's maybe because I'm sure I'm the best thing he'll never have.