His fatigue was long gone now, replaced by the dreadful feeling of anxiety and anger.
Jeongguk had no idea how to cope with that. So he did what he always did: he got up and searched his jeans pockets for his stash of weed, threw on an oversized shirt, and exited the room.
He entered the dining room and rolled himself a cigarette, or well, a joint.
His fingers moved skillfully as he wrapped the drug in the filter. It was almost scary how used he was to this. Not being able to sleep, struggling with anxiety, using drugs to cope only to suffer from the after effects hours later.
It was a vicious circle and he had no idea how to pull himself out of it.
He wasn't even sure if he wanted to get out to begin with.
He sat on the table and brought the death stick to his lips, using the lighter he'd previously got from his pocket to lit it.
He closed his eyes and took a puff, warmth engulfing him whole. He hopped off the table to open the bay window, being met with cool air and a balcony. He stepped on said balcony and for a moment, he just stood there in complete silence, gazing at the illuminated city absentmindedly and occasionally taking puffs out of his cigarette.
It didn't take long for the effects to kick in and make him feel like he was floating. Creating a fake safety that still seemed way more believable than all the ones people had promised him in the past.
He was never really safe, was he?
Because he fucked his own life up and now, he wasn't allowed a single moment of peace or tranquility. He was tracked down by the future, haunted by the past and struggling to deal with the present.
Yet, he couldn't blame anyone but himself.
Perhaps if he hadn't kissed this boy in high school, he wouldn't be here.
Perhaps if he hadn't wanted to be the cool guy, he wouldn't be here.
Perhaps if he hadn't made the worst decisions at the worst moments, he wouldn't be here.
Perhaps then, he'd be a famous CEO sitting on a fancy chair, wearing a Louis Vuitton suit and an expensive tie rather than a harness and tight leather jeans.
God, what was he thinking back then? Hanging out with seniors because he thought it was cool. Feeling like they understood him better, because they were older. More mature.
He was a mature person.
As strange as that sounded, he truly believed he was a mature person. At least now. He might not always make the best choices but all of his decisions were thoroughly thought through. He was one step ahead of everyone, and his mind was pretty great at analyzing every situation and finding out all the possible outcomes of every single one of his choices.
But the truth didn't lie.
And the truth was that the seniors didn't understand him any better than the others. But they gave him something that did.
Drugs.
It wasn't the first time he tried drugs, but it was the first time he had actually consented to it.
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TRAPPED || Taegguk
Fanfiction"Spread your fucking legs or I'll tie them to the bed." Twitter AU in which Jeongguk is a sex addict looking for a little challenge. When he's added in a group chat and meets Kim Taehyung, the only boy who hasn't said 'yes' to him in years, he's det...
[ 22 ] Hot and cold
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