Random idiotic quotes from my day

This is kinda just me venting

(I don't wanna put my name so imma put PQ and my friend's name will be N and the other is L)

Like my whole life till 2 years ago~

Mom: PQ is always such a happy child and she's so smart always getting good marks.

Me: *smiles happily*

Now~

Me: *low marks, not all that happy and having random aches*

Doctor: The random pains could be because of stress.

Few days later~

Mom: Are you okay? Are you stressed or worried about anything?

Me: Well I'm worried about N being depressed. *shrugs*

Mom: Why?

Me: Because she is.

Mom: Okay and you?

Me: I think I'm good. *smiles*

Meanwhile~

Me: *worried about disapointing mother, worried about finishing assignments, worried about studying for tests, worried about having to possibly visit my dad and stepmother(Mutual dislike) in Jan, worried about passing my grade, worried about N who most probably has depression and insomnia, worried about L who's country is kinda at war, worried about my mom and stepdad often fighting and getting irritated with each other, feeling bad for not really liking my dad who is basically just trying to buy my love, thinking of the possibility that my mom and stepdad could get divorced with all their fighting, worried about my mom kicking my brother out because he doesn't like stepdad so is rude, uses writing as an escape but has no time to write much anymore, reads sad stuff so I have an excuse to cry, continues to smile and laugh trying to make the people around me happy, worried about what I'll do in the future, occasionally thinks of what would happen if I died, battles to show emotions other than 'happiness' and 'excitement' to anyone, scolds N for saying she hates life meanwhile I do exactly that, doesn't sleep much because it takes to long to fall asleep so I think about depressing sh!t, 0 motivation for anything productive, doesnt tell anyone I fell like this because I don't want to worry them, easily irritated and feels bad about it*