Insecurities of High School

Chapter 11

I didn't see Landon for the rest of the day, and never heard from him all night. Finally, around 8:30 pm, I found myself pacing my soft carpets going crazy. A run was what I needed to get rid of my excess energy, with or without a running partner. As I laced up my shoes, I decided I would just casually pass by his house and see if he was home, maybe bump into him.

Jogging up to his house, hearing only my feet pounding on the sidewalk, I could feel my heart skipping uncontrollably at the thought of seeing him. As I pulled up, I noticed all the lights in the front on and an unfamiliar car parked out front. I slowed to get a look when suddenly the front door swung open and out popped the head of a pretty blonde girl with Landon behind her. She was giggling about something and he had a huge grin on his face, looking down on her. They didn't notice me on the other side of the street, just kept chatting as he walked her to her car and opened the door for her. I turned to keep running after I watched them hug each other, my heart painfully squeezing.

'Damn it Brooke, you should have known better. That girl must be who he likes, it would never be you. You're ordinary and he's not. Different leagues, no way it would happen.' I scolded myself mentally.

I kept going when I heard a car drive up behind me and pass me. I barely paid attention through my tears, until it was in front of me. I recognized the model as the car that that girl had been driving. That must have meant she was from around here if she's heading deeper into the residential area. I stopped to sit on the curb and catch my breath, and let the tears fall. Gasping for air, I couldn't comprehend why my heart was hurting so much. I barely knew him, and yet he had this hold over me. I remembered the way his eyes intrigued me, the way his laugh made my stomach flop, the electric feeling I got when he touched my face, and how soft his lips were.

Suddenly a dark figure was walking up to me, picking up speed once it came closer. Worried Landon had in fact seen me and followed me, I jumped up and was getting ready to turn around when I heard a familiar voice.

"Brooke? Are you ok??"

"Danny, oh my gosh, no... No I'm not..." I broke down, running up to his open arms and bear hugging him. He hugged me close and rubbed my back while I buried my face into his cool neck and continued to let all my tears out. Without a second thought I turned my head and started kissing him, softly at first. It was reassuring to know someone out there felt more for me than as a friend, and I just needed to feel that right now. We got more into it and soon I needed to take a breath, so I pulled out of it. I looked in the eyes of my best friend, a face I'd seen for so many years through good and bad times, and saw concern and love written all over his face.

"Take me home?" I said in a small voice.

Danny just simply nodded and grabbed my hand, leading me along the sidewalk. I kicked a few rocks along the way, trying to avoid conversation. When we passed Landon's house it took everything I had not to look, but I concentrated on the ground and made it around the corner. Once we were on my front porch, I sighed and sat on the couch, patting it next to me for Danny to sit.

"Danny, I'm sorry -" I started before he interrupted.

"Look, Brooke, I'm really concerned about you. I know you don't feel the same way about me, and wouldn't knowingly hurt me by kissing me like that if it didn't mean anything. What's going on? I could hear sobbing outside my house and when I go to investigate it's my best friend and I can't even think for a second what it could be about?"

I shook my head. "It's nothing, really. Just a temporary lapse in my judgement."

He stared at me hard for a few seconds, then looked away, obviously frustrated.

"Brooke, whatever it is, we can talk. I'm always here for you, I hope what's happened lately won't affect that." I sighed, and thought about our past. We had been there for each other through so much. My first death in the family, his parents divorcing, fights, school. I thought back to what Stacey said, that maybe Danny would be good for me. Being together might be good. Maybe I had made a mistake.

I started out slowly, "Like I said, whatever happened earlier was nothing. I've been thinking about you, about us, and you know I love you. I mean, I always thought we were like siblings, but now I'm wondering so much more."

He gave me a deep sigh, closed his eyes, and after re-opening them had tears threatening to form. "Brooke, don't screw around with me. If you're going to be with me, be with me because you want it and feel it too. Not to get over something or someone. Whatever's going on, don't use me as a rebound. I'm better than that, and you know it."

I responded without thinking, and kissed him for the second time. This time without the salty tears running down my face. I did it because I felt I wanted to, and I needed to. He kissed me back enthusiastically, holding the back of my head to pull me closer. We were lost in the moment for a few minutes until he let go, put his forehead to mine, and smiled.

"Are you sure this is what you want?" he questioned.

 I smiled. "Yes." I softly kissed him again, feeling my heart flutter a bit. I never thought of it before, but how could Danny not be my perfect boyfriend? He knows everything about me, has seen me through thick and thin, and loves me in more than a friend way. Maybe all my insecurities were unnecessary, and my belief no one would ever love me was false. I needed to give this a shot, for my sanity.

"So what are we then?" he asked, twirling a piece of my long hair in his fingers.

"Let's play it by ear. If anyone asks, we're seeing each other, testing out the waters."

"Ok, well as my first act as your official unofficial boyfriend, I'm going to tell you that you need to shower. Your face is red and splotchy, and you smell bad from running," he said teasingly, pretending to take a sniff. I got up, smacked his shoulder, and proceeded to turn around to walk into my house when he grabbed me and spun me around to face him.

"Sleep well my OU girlfriend," he said with a wink and a quick kiss before gently shoving me to the door and spinning on his heels. I gawked after him while he strolled down my driveway, and turned around with a 'hmph,' blushing the whole time. 'I need to call Stacey,' was my only thought as I smiled.