Laochaire

When Love Leaves the Marriage Bed

2 March, 1744

Jared's House, Paris, France

I woke up alone again and rolled over to find a perfectly made side of the bed beside me. Jamie hadn't come home yet. He hadn't come home yesterday, either, likely having stayed over wherever Charles was staying... or seeing a lass at Maison Elise. I got up and wrapped myself in another one of those ostentatious robes, not wanting to hear it from the servants, and went out to find Francesca exiting a guest room down the hall. That was strange, we had no one staying over, and Murtagh and Cailean didn't have that room. "Francesca, what are you doing?" I asked the maid in French, who startled slightly.

"Oh! Bonjour, Madame! " she said to me. "I am bringing Monsieur Fraser breakfast."

"Breakfast? In there?" I asked.

" Oui, Madame, " said Francesca. Without another word, I pushed past her and threw open the door, finding Jamie getting dressed for the day with a tray of food on the table beside him. He startled when I threw open the door and turned to find the source of the disturbance.

"Christ, Catrìona! Ye gave me a fright!" he said rather nonchalantly, given the circumstances.

"What are ye doin' in here?" I demanded, cutting immediately to the chase, and Jamie hesitated before speaking.

"I didnae want te wake ye," he said to me.

"Bullshit, that never stopped ye before. What are ye doin' in here?" I demanded of him.

"Staying in this room, fer now," Jamie said honestly and a bit firmer. "I hope that is all right with you."

"No, it isnae all right! I want ye with me! Why do ye want te stay in this room and not ours?" I asked him defensively, now terrified that my worries were coming true.

"Because ye keep pushin' me away, Catrìona, and I dinnae want te be in yer way!" Jamie told me rather loudly, and I was quite taken aback by that.

"Me? Pushin' you away? Yer the one pushin' me away! Jamie, I miss ye! Terribly! I never see ye anymore and when I do, yer here fer a minute and then yer gone! Not te mention, I've no' felt yer touch in well over a month!"

"I dinnae have time te argue with ye right now, Catrìona. I have to go," Jamie said firmly, turning his back to me.

"Is that all ye have te say aboot this?" I asked him, and he didn't answer me. I could feel my heart tearing into two as I realised my worst fears were coming true. He didn't want me anymore. He probably had some mistress somewhere, maybe at Maison Elise or he went to her house. That's why he was never here anymore. "Fine," I said quietly. "Do what ye like." With that said, I turned and I left what had become Jamie's new room, forcing myself to hold back my tears until I was in the privacy of my own solitary room.

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3 March, 1744

L'Hôpital des Anges, Paris, France

After moping about for a day, I finally decided that I wasn't going to give Jamie the satisfaction of knowing he broke me. I wasn't going to sit around while he ran about with whoever the hell his mistress was, I was going to make myself useful. So I packed Beth, the lads and Murtagh into the carriage and we were on our way to L'Hôpital des Anges . When we arrived, Murtagh stepped down and glanced up at the building, which was a part of the cathedral itself.