words you hear on a sinking ship | lil peep

[9]

"bray! i'm going out" i yelled, my voice echoing off the walls. "out where?" he yelled back from upstairs. "just out" i said, not having the energy to think of an excuse. "whatever" he said, not giving a fuck.

i shoved my feet into my shoes and ran out the door before he could question me anymore. i got in the car and clicked on gus' name to call him. "hello?" he answered after a few rings. "hi. i'm coming over, don't try and murder me when you come to the door this time". i gave him a fair warning this time.

"alright. see you in a bit" he said and the call hung up. moments after i ended the call with gus i had an incoming call from brayden. oh fuck. i let it ring twice, then hit accept. "hello?" i answered, trying to sound natural. "dads home" he said. "oh really? haven't seen him in a few weeks" i responded, rolling my eyes. "he asked to see you" he told me. "okay cool. he doesn't make any effort to see me when i'm around so why should i make any effort to see him when he's around" i told him. i really didn't have any patience for my father.

"up to you. just passing the message along" he said. "okay. thanks. maybe i'll be home in time before he runs off again" i sighed. "okay. see you later" he said and ended the call. that was super weird. he usually told us when he was coming home, and he usually didn't disappear as long as he did this time. whatever though, the mans a mess anyways.

i arrived at gus', tracy's car was in the driveway again today. i walked up the stairs and knocked on the door. gus opened it, stumbling forward as he did so. "hey princess" he said, slurring slightly. "hi" i said, giving him a weird look. "i'm fucking drunk" he told me, explaining his behaviour. "that you are" i told him, placing my hand on his shoulder.

"you want one?" he asked, grabbing an empty cup off of the stack. "sure. fuck it" i decided. gus poured me some kind of potion and handed me the cup. "this is actually good" i told him, taking a sip. "i know" he said, and winked at me.

"my dad came home" i blurted out, i felt like i needed to talk about it. "for real? brayden mentioned he was kind of flighty" he said, turning in his chair to face me more. "yeah. this last time he was gone for a few weeks, which is the longest he's ever been gone so it was kind of strange. he usually doesn't come home unannounced either" i explained.

"do you know what he was doing?" gus asked. "your guess is as good as mine" i shrugged. "you can stay again if you don't want to see him" gus offered. "that's really nice but i'll probably go home. he asked to see me" i told him. "as long as you're comfortable with that. you don't owe him anything" he said, placing his hand on my thigh. "it's just complicated. another please" i asked, handing him the cup.

"you shouldn't drink to avoid your problems" he told me. "you should listen to your own advice" i retorted. tracy came into the kitchen from wherever he was before. "what's up fuckers?" he asked. "drinking. you want one?" gus asked him. "it's just like, why would you even ask me that? yes i want one" tracy said, taking the cup.

"and would you look at this. braydens lil sister dating gus. who would have thought" tracy said, looking back and forth at us. "we aren't dating" i said. "this is staying super lowkey aight man? id like to keep our dealer and the girl without someone losing a limb okay?" gus asked tracy. "yeah yeah" he said.

my phone vibrated, buzzing on the counter. "oh fuck. braydens calling. shut the fuck up" i told the pair of them. they both stopped moving, coming to complete silence. "what?" i asked annoyed, he already called me tonight. "when are you getting back? dad really wants to see you" he told me.

"dad sucks" i said. "yeah yeah i know, but he's acting weird can you please just come see him so he can go again and leave us alone?" he begged. "whatever fine. you owe me" i said, and hung up.

"i have to go" i told gus. "allie you can't drive, you're three drinks in" he said. "i'm fine. i can't walk and i can't leave the car here and you can't bring me home so i'm out of options. i feel fine. it's fine" i protested to him. "allie i don't like this. i don't think you're fine" he said. "gus i'm literally fine. i'm just gonna go see my dad so he fucks off then i'll see you later okay?" i told him.

"i really don't think you should be driving" he told me again. "and i really don't care. see you later" i told him. i matched my way to the door, grabbing my stuff. "for fucks sake. be fucking careful okay? call me when you're home. don't say i didn't warn you. don't kill yourself please. this really isn't smart" he said again.

"it's fine and i'm going. bye" i told him, reaching up to place a kiss on his lips before i left. "drive safe. i mean it" he told me. "i know" i said, sitting down behind the wheel. "i really shouldn't be letting you do this" he said. "i'd do it no matter what. nobody can 'let' or not let me do anything" i told him.

"i've got my fucking work cut out for me" he sighed, closing the drivers door for me. i backed cautiously out of the driveway, i could feel his eyes on me the whole time. i hit the road, using every ounce of focus in my body to head home.