OC Ratings | 𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐨𝐫 𝐂𝐚𝐭𝐬

Raggedbreeze

This OC belongs to Tul1pfields

Name┃ Raggedbreeze

5/5 Ragged isn't used much, especially for she-cats! I love how it sounds altogether, too. Breeze is a very nice suffix as well, it suits her.

Age┃ 25 moons

Okay! She's rather young.

Gender┃ Female

Great!

Personality┃ As a kit, Raggedbreeze was bubbly and curious, even though she was ill for a short while. But she came back strong, wanting to explore and overall being very confident and excited. As an apprentice, she was getting harsher and harsher treatment from the medicine cat. Because of this, she becomes more timid and shy as she ages, and eventually became very shut off from her family and friends.

23/25 Aww, I feel really bad for her. It's a logical progression, even if it is a sad one. From her backstory, I'd add that she's very emotional, and tends to occasionally act on that emotion without thinking. In all honesty, though, this is really good!

Appearance┃ She's a small, and fluffy black cat, her eyes are a deep amber and she has a small nick in her left ear, and a slight scar on her nose.

10/10 You don't see dark-furred OCs very often! I've said the before too: Amber eyes are my favorite. I love the detail in her scars! Also, she sounds very cute, since she's small and fluffy.

Clan┃ RiverClan

Okay!

Rank┃ Warrior

Awesome! 

Family

Mother┃ Sablecloud (white she-cat with gray splotches)

Okay, I love this name. So much.

Father┃ Unnamed tom (Sleek black fur)

Raggedbreeze is genetically accurate! It may help to think up a name for the father, though, just in case.

Siblings┃ Icekit (small white she-kit; passed)

Poor Icekit! One thing I'll add here, though- Sablecloud and her mate, with their coloration, could only have black kits. They can have a bit of white spotting, though! Of course, you don't have to make her genetically accurate. I mean, Firestar himself was impossible. (All ginger cats are tabbies.) All in all, a solid 14/15

Likes┃  The wind in her fur, sitting quietly watching the sunset.

Understandable. Poor Raggedbreeze never seems to get a break from the other cats, so she probably likes to take a second to think to herself. Maybe she likes to get lost in the moment, and just enjoy it while it lasts.

Dislikes┃ The riverbank.

This is an interesting one, but makes complete sense given what she's been through.

Backstory┃ Raggedkit and her siblings had Greencough, Unfortunately Icekit dies, but as Raggedkit is in the medicine den, her medicine cat, Hazelstalk receives a prophecy of the dark path she could follow, and this also warned Hazelstalk of her own death, so naturally Hazelstalk is cold or distant towards the kit, who is hurt, as Sablecloud acts the same way.

 I like this a lot. Most prophecies are about how the protagonist is going to save the clan, but this is a bit more ominous. I'd imagine they'd be cautious around her, like she might turn evil at any moment. Of course, Hazelstalk & Sablecloud are doing brilliantly at trying to prevent her from going down said dark path. (That last part isn't a story criticism, rather me being mad at fictional characters lol!)

Fast forward to an apprentice, Raggedpaw is mostly alone or quiet, but she has no idea why she is being so shunned by her clanmates and medicine cat.

Ooh, this is interesting! One thing, though, did Hazelstalk tell the entire clan? Usually these things are kept between leaders and med. cats. Anyways, that's really minor, and feel free to leave it as is :)

As a warrior, Hazelstalk finally decided to tell Raggedbreeze the truth, by the riverbank, they fight, and Hazelstalk dies, Raggedbreeze is naturally horrified, as she never intended for it to happen, she is haunted by nightmares, prophecy's, and eventually Hazelstalk begins showing up as a ghost.

Another self-fulfilling prophecy! If Hazelstalk hadn't been told it, then she never would've shunned Raggedbreeze, who never would've lashed out like this. Raggedbreeze, being a good cat, would be haunted by what she's done. Just wondering- is this the real Hazelstalk, or is it one that Raggedbreeze has created in her guilt? (Oh, nevermind, my question is answered in the next paragraph.)

This forces Raggedbreeze to stop running from it, and help Hazelstalk pass over to StarClan.

Great! It's good for now, although I am wondering how her clanmates reacted when the learned of what she'd done. It's probably took quite a bit to face her actions, and to try to absolve them the best she could. I have a few minor questions, like why Hazelstalk wasn't let into StarClan in the first place, but that's about it! An amazing 24/25

Raggedbreeze is a great OC! Her actions and backstory make sense, and she seems quite unique. Like the cat before her, I'd love to read her story.

Also, sorry if this was a bit harsh, and thanks so much for submitting her!