Lost and Found [Thranduil love story]

Chapter 23: Faces Of The King

The anger and dejection fought for their place for a while, but then disappeared completely. Now I felt ashamed about wanting to leave him like that, not caring about his life, without any attempt to make things better between us. He didn't deserve that kind of treatment from me. I've been a really awful wife so far.

And only then I realised those negative emotions weren't mine to begin with. They weren't the king's either since his emotions felt completely different, and I have never mistaken them form mine – except at the moment of our kiss, but I wasn't kissing anyone now. A shiver ran through my body. Someone was manipulating me? But who? Or what? I looked at the stone, but it seemed completely innocent and inactive. I started thinking then. Why didn't coming here seem unlogical to me? Suddenly I understood how stupid this idea was and how ridiculous it all looked. What would have happened if I didn't find those drawings by accident, which changed my mood completely? Would I do something even more idiotic? I shook my head.

No, I was probably just tired or something. No need to get paranoid. No one was messing with my head, period. I thought, but didn't really believe it. There was nothing to be done about it however. I was yet to speak with my magical piece of jewellery about a few other matters, and till then there was no point in speculating.

After looking at the drawings again – which strangely seemed to make me happy somehow - I hid all of the king's works under the papers and, making sure no one was around, exited the room. I didn't really believe the elves haven't seen me entering, but being caught red-handed wouldn't be pleasant. Especially not after what I discovered. Gosh, I didn't even know he could draw. It seemed there were quite a lot of things I didn't know about Thranduil, and there were also many he didn't know about me. But how could we, if we never really talked? And I had to admit it was also my fault. But it was just so hard to have a conversation with him. It felt like I was wrestling a dragon. All right, he cared about me, I knew that. But he wanted much more than I could give, and it scared me. I always had to be on my guard, ready to jump away, because, if left unmonitored, the king would cross every line there was. Still, I was going to try it once more. Maybe this time it would work?

Standing in front of king's chambers again I knocked once and waited a minute, then knocked again just to make sure he heard me, but still with no result. Elves had great hearing, so it wasn't possible that the Elvenking just didn't notice. So there were only three options left: he was ignoring me, he wasn't in the room or... he was sick again.

I still remembered those dreadful lines on his chest, and the memory of him lying motionless on his bed last time he was poisoned also lingered in my mind, making my worry rise. So after a short moment of gathering my courage I opened the door and entered.

The room was empty and dark, so I lit the candles, and looked around. I couldn't believe the king forgot about our meeting and walked out. Did he not want to see me anymore after what I've done? Well, I guess I would be quite upset if I was him, but... I thought he cared about me a little more than that. I felt sad, and then rapidly shook my head. What the hell was I thinking?! Those drawings clearly messed with my emotions, and I really had to get a grip on those.

My gaze fell upon the wardrobe, and  I remembered our last conversation in this room, when he was lying in his bed half conscious and dying. He said then, that I was welcome to rummage through anything I wanted. Well then, why not? I had to admit I was quite curious what I would find. Elves seemed to keep all of their clothes in wardrobes, including their underwear. There were even special shelves for those inside. I blushed. Oh gosh, what was wrong with me?! I didn't care about the king's underclothes! Absolutely not!... Right? That was what I was trying to convince myself about while opening the closet's door.

My jaw dropped. There was another room out there! I thought it was just a typical piece of furniture, but it turned out it was connected to the wall, and led to a whole new chamber.