loving you is a losing game ~ mbb x fem reader

some things never change.

y/n's pov:-

it's been two months since millie's funeral. and i missed her like crazy. but the hurt had subsided. it did not feel like a pang in the heart everytime anymore.

"yeah there's this party at Bryce's place tonight, I have to go, justin asked me to", alex said, while we were having our snacks at the cafeteria.

"i think...i should try going once. it'll be like, my first thing back from such a huge hit. it could take my mind off of it", I said to alex, picking on the food on my table.

"mind off of what?", alex asked me, resting his hands on the table.

"it's...her...", I shook my head and forced a smile. "it's her birthday today", i finished.

"shit, what? are you sure you'll be like...good to go? it's a party after all, people will have fun. and I have a feeling fun isn't exactly what you're looking for today", alex said to me, concerned. I chuckled and shook my head.

"no i...have to go. it's what she would've wanted. she wanted me to live with the living. so that's what ill do", I said, raising my eyebrows and looking at him.

"alright then. I'll pick you up at around, uh the party's from 7:15, so i guess ill pick you up at 8:00", alex said to me, thinking about the timings.

"hmm, we're going late", I said, putting on an impressed face.

"fashionably so", he said, fake bowing. I chuckled and shook my head.

it was relieving to not feel all that heaviness in my heart all the time. but it was also nice to feel the same kind of love that still tugged me to thoughts and memories of her every night.

-

"hi, y/n, you good?", tony asked me, walking inside the classroom with a bright smile.

"yeah im...holding up", i said, thinking about it.

"morning class. alright I've got the checked test papers and I'll be returning it today", my maths teacher said and i groaned.

"i totally flunked the trig test", i whispered to tony.

"it's just one test, you'll get better", he reassured me...but somewhere deep inside, his reassurance did not really... assure me.

so i nodded blankly.

"ted sutherland... olivia welch... antonio padilla...", my maths teacher muttered the names while slapping the papers on our desks.

"...y/n l/n", he said and exhaled.

"I know. I'll do better next time", I said, sighing before he even said anything.

"y/n, come by my desk please, we need to talk", he said.

i inhaled to say something but stopped. better go with the flow.

"alright"

a few minutes ticked by and I picked up my paper and went over to mr. slater's desk.

"okay I'm here like you asked me to", I said to him and put the paper on his desk.

"y/n you need to push yourself and get your grades up if you want to upgrade to a junior next year", he said to me, his face resting upon his joined hands that were on his desk.

"I know and I'll do better, i promise", i said to him. i just wished he'd leave me alone right now.

"that's what you said for the past two tests", he said to me, giving me a stern stare.