Heart at War // JJ Maybank

5

"Come on, I'll get you one," Kiara says, gesturing me to follow her. Just as I am about to leave, JJ catches my wrist and pulling my attention to him, "You okay?"

I glance down at his hold on my wrist before looking back up into his eyes, those eyes that I love so much. "Yeah, I'm fine."

Without another word I pull away from JJ's hold and made my way towards Kiara, who was now holding two red solo cups in her hand. As soon as I got to her, she handed me the extra one. "You doing okay, Lena?" I stare up at her beautiful face, her hair looking so perfect even though I know all she did was throw a bandana in her hair. She was effortlessly pretty.

"Yeah," I tell her, but down the cup of alcohol, she had given me. I let out a loud exhale as I finished the cup, looking inside of it and then saying. "I need another."

Kiara stared at me with her eyebrows raised, and lips slightly parted. "Shit, Drunken Lena really will make an appearance tonight won't she?"

I hated that I felt so distant with Kiara right now, I hated myself for wanting to not be around her. Before anything else, Kie is one of my best friends. I know none of this was her fault, she doesn't know about me and JJ and that is not her fault... But I still couldn't ignore the jealousy I felt when I thought about how much prettier she is than me, who different the two of us are.

I have JJ's body, but that doesn't mean that I have his heart- Not in the way that he has mine.

"I guess you'll have to wait and see." I shrug before turning away from Kiara and looking for another drink.

By my sixth drink, I had myself distracted by the thought of Kiara and JJ. I sat with my head on Pope's shoulder, laughing at Sarah Cameron ranting about how we all needed to get out of Outer Banks. "Seriously though, Lena. If you could go anywhere, where would you go?"

Sarah stares at me with curiosity in her eyes, I lick my lips as I lift my head from Pope's shoulder and take another swig of my drink. About twenty minutes ago, JJ had cut me off from beer so I had to compromise.

I cringe as the straight vodka in my cup burned my throat, "Uh..." I start.

To be honest, I have never really thought about it too much, sure Outer Banks had some downsides but I have always looked around me and saw everything I ever needed. I have always fantasized about my future, JJ was always in it- But recently, that picture wasn't so clear.

"Everywhere." I finally said, before nodding to myself. "Yup, everywhere and anywhere. Surfing the biggest waves everywhere I went, no planning though," I giggle to myself. "Just going with the flow, finding a place to sleep as the days go on... Like maybe even a bamboo hunt," I glance over at John B and Sarah. "Just make epic memories."

Sarah raises her cup. "To making epic memories!"

We all raise ours with her, "To making epic memories!"

I take another large gulp of the vodka, clenching my teeth after I swallow. "Hey, is JJ dancing?" Pope exclaims in disbelief, my eyes follow his gaze and I felt a numbing pain in my heart at the sight before me.

Kiara had her arms around JJ's neck as he sat on her hips, dancing to the music playing. I gulp, unable to take my eyes off the smile on JJ's face as they dance together. "Never did I think I would see JJ Maybank dancing." Sarah comments, I can't look away. My mind was screaming to stop looking but I couldn't.

"Never did I..." I whisper. JJ doesn't dance, I have tried on many occasions but he always refused. Seeing him openly dancing with Kiara, made my head spin and my chest tight.

I bring my cup to my lips, suddenly craving the burning sensation that the liquor gave me- To feel something other than emotional pain. "Lena?" I almost choke on the liquid as I pull my cup away from my mouth.