Heart at War // JJ Maybank

4

"We should... Go inside." I tell him slowly, JJ looks towards John B's house before nodding in agreement.

I take a step back and begin walking back down the dock. "Wait," JJ announces, grabbing my wrist and spinning me around. Before I could even comprehend anything, JJ's lips pressed against mine for a short second that felt like it would last forever.

"Okay, let's go," JJ tells me, before stepping around me and heading back towards the house without another glance back.

When I step back inside the house, JJ's sitting next to Kiara which was much to my dislike. I sat down back in my original spot, trying to keep myself in the conversation but eyeing Kiara's legs as they fall on top of JJ's lap. Jealousy bursts through me at the sight, but I choose to ignore it reminding myself of the way JJ kissed me just a few minutes ago.

"I think we should have a Kegger tomorrow night." John B tells the group, "Oh hell yes, I'm down for that." JJ smirks, causing my eyes to fall onto him. My mouth almost drops open as I catch a glimpse of something I wish I could un-see.

JJ's fingers tracing circles on Kiara's legs, the same way that he does with me. I felt like I was going to throw up as I forced myself to look away from the sight of them, focusing my attention on the floor. Their conversation was background noise, all I could hear was the sound of my heart beating in my ears.

"Lena? What do you say?" I snap my eyes up at John B. "Uh, yeah sure whatever. Look I got to go, forgot that I have a shift later." I lie as I push myself to my feet.

"You good?" Kiara asks, I glance her way before nodding. "Yeah, I'm fine." I mentally curse myself as I notice my voice going up an octave. "I'll, uh, see you guys tomorrow." With that, I left.

I wasn't sure when it got this way. Only a few weeks ago everything was perfect, I knew I was the only one JJ did such intimate things with and I don't just mean sex. The small things in between, the gentle touches, and the way he always made sure that I was ok. He would always check up on me, spend one on one time with me.

But here we are, and even though JJ still climbs through my window I felt distance from him, more than I ever have before and I hated it. JJ is the person for me, there has never been anyone else- I doubt there will ever be anyone else who can make me feel the things that JJ can, and that terrifies me. I knew thought I could feel this way before, I never thought I could feel like the amount of pain from the simple sight of another girl having what I have with JJ.

Maybe it wouldn't hurt this much if it was some other girl, but it is Kiara. Fucking Kiara.

Just as I was about to push my key into the lock of my front door, I freeze at the sound of screaming inside. I lean my back against the wall of the house, listening from the outside.

The words were muffled, but it was clear to me that both mom and dad were yelling this time. It all felt like too much and I didn't know what to do, I pulled out my phone and clicked on JJ's contact. My fingers shake as I type out the message, biting my lip to hold in the tears.

Can u come meet me? I need u

I stare at the message for a second, a tear sliding down my cheek as I hit the delete button. The image of JJ's fingers circling Kiara's thigh plays through my mind as I do so, an intimate touch that always left me feeling special.

The one person I needed most, was the one person that I didn't want to be around. So I made my way to the only place that somehow always left me feeling peaceful.

            I have always looked at the ocean, the sound of the waves crashing, and the indescribable scent that lingered in the air. Everything about it made me calm.