Love Until it Hurts

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"I will choose you, even when you make me mad. My love for you won't fade simply because we are angry. I know we will fight; we will be frustrated; we will be human. Still, I will go to battle for you—"

Meredith took a deep breath before walking out of the trauma room. She slammed the door shut but, someone else opened it almost right after.
"Mer—"
"—Mer!" Alex said, trying to get her attention.
Meredith kept on walking, hoping for him to get the clue to leave her alone, which he didn't. Alex grabbed Meredith's arm, pulling her into the nearest supply closet.
"Let go of me."
Meredith pulled her arm away.
"What's the matter?" Alex said.
Meredith could see in Alex's eyes that he was genuinely concerned.
"Is it about Lexie, because she is going to be just fine."
Meredith sat down against one of the shelves. Alex took a second but walked over to Meredith and sat down beside her. She was staring straight ahead taking a deep breath before speaking.
"If Derek would've just picked her up—" Meredith said with a shaking voice.
Alex put his arm around her. 
"—if Lexie dies, I don't think I will be able to forgive him."
Meredith put her head on Alex's shoulder as the tears ran down her face.
"Lexie will be fine, she's your kid and if I didn't know any better, I'd say you are immortal."
Meredith lifted her head, looking at Alex and they both started laughing.

The door swung open, and Amelia entered the room.
"There you are, I've been looking everywhere for you."
Meredith grabbed her phone.
"You didn't page me—"
"—why didn't you just page me?"
"I lost my phone." Amelia said.
Alex and Meredith looked at each other before both turning to Amelia, who was still standing in the doorway.
"I wanted to let you know that Lexie's head CT showed a mild concussion—"
Meredith stood up.
"—she had a head CT?"
Amelia nodded.
"I thought you knew—"
"—she needed a CT-scan anyways and Derek just wanted to make sure that everything was okay."
Meredith tried to get out of the supply closet, but Amelia wouldn't let her.
"Get out of my way, will you!"
Alex stood up, walking over to Meredith. He looked at Amelia for a second.
"Shepherd, what's going on—"
Amelia turned to Meredith.
"—they rushed her into the OR for emergency surgery."
Meredith's eyes widened and Alex put his hand on her shoulder.
"The blood flow to her leg was compromised. They had to take the bullet out right away in order for her to keep her leg."
"Which OR?" Meredith said.
"You shouldn't—"
"—which OR?!"
"Derek is in the waiting room and—"
"—dam it Amelia, just tell me which OR she is in!" Meredith snapped.
Amelia stepped out of the doorway, into the supply closet.
"Lexie is in OR 2."
Meredith nodded before storming out of the room.

As a surgeon you are not allowed to treat the members of your family, you're not even allowed anywhere near the OR. Meredith was standing in the hallway, staring at the gallery entrance of OR 2.
"I heard about Lexie—"
"—I'm so sorry." Richard said as he placed his hand on her shoulder.
"Is there anything I can do?"
Meredith was still staring at the entrance.
"Could you go check on her, please."
Richard nodded.
"You should go sit with Derek—"
"—I'll be right back with an update."
Meredith nodded.
"Thank you."
Meredith watched him walk through the hallway, into the OR. She took a deep breath before deciding to go and sit with her husband.

Meredith entered the waiting room. Derek was sitting in the corner, looking down. Even from this distance she could see his red and puffy eyes. Seeing him like that broke her heart and for a moment all she could see was the person she fell in love with all those years ago.  Meredith walked over to Derek and sat down beside him. She grabbed his hand and the two of them sat there in silence for quite a while, until Richard approached them. Derek pulled his hand away and jumped up.
"They were able to remove the bullet without any complications—"
Meredith took a deep breath of relief.
"—they are closing her up and once she is ready to see you someone will come and get you."
Derek nodded.
"Thank you, Richard."
Richard gave Derek a pat on his shoulder and smiled at Meredith before leaving the waiting room. Derek turned to Meredith.
"You can't run—"
"—whenever something happens your first instinct is to run. You can't keep doing that. You left that trauma room when Lexie needed us the most."
Meredith shook her head. She came in here with good intentions, but she couldn't control her impulses.
"Unbelievable, you're calling me out for not being there for her—"
"—you put her there! You were supposed to pick her up but, you were too busy doing some groundbreaking surgery, like always."
Meredith took a deep breath before continuing.
"I never had a father; I barely had a mother. I don't want that for Lexie—"
"—Lexie has a father." Derek interrupted.
"Then start acting like it—"
"—you can't keep prioritizing your career and expect me to sacrifice mine just so I can be there for Lexie when you are too busy."
Meredith could see the anger in Derek's eyes but, unlike her he was able to control his impulses. Derek simply shook his head before walking out of the waiting room. Meredith took a deep breath trying to hold back the tears. She noticed the room was silent and looking around all eyes were on her. So, instead of sitting back down she also walked out of the waiting room.

Meredith was wondering through the halls when Arizona approached her.
"Grey—"
"—I was about to go down to the waiting room."
"The surgery went very well, and Lexie is back in her room."
Meredith nodded before following Arizona. They took a few twists and turns and when they finally arrived Arizona opened the door to Lexie's room, but Meredith paused.
"How do I tell her that her best friend died—"
Arizona closed the door and turned to Meredith.
"—and that she died on my OR table."
"I know that it's different but when Sophia started asking questions about her father, we told her the truth. Mark died after the plane crash and there was nothing, we could have done too safe him—"
"—lying hurts more than the truth so, you should just tell her."
Meredith nodded.
"Are you ready?" Arizona said as she opened the door a second time.
This time Meredith entered the room and sat down next to her Lexie's bed. In her head Meredith was preparing a monologue, on how to tell her daughter that her best friend had died. Lexie started to wake up and the look on Meredith's face caused her to gasp for air. 
"I'm so sorry—"
"—we did everything we could, but Rylan is dead." Meredith said as a tear ran down her face.
Lexie started crying uncontrollably. The tears were streaming down her face as she was gasping for air. Meredith stood up, taking the railing of the bed down before laying down next to her daughter. Lexie took a few deep breaths, trying to calm herself down. The two of them laid on the bed together, until Lexie dozed off to sleep.

The door opened and Callie entered the room.
"Oh, I could come back."
Meredith shook her head.
"It's okay."
Meredith carefully stepped out of the bed, putting the railing back up before walking over to Callie.
"The surgery went very well. Luckily the bullet didn't damage any of her bones. However, it did severe damage to her muscles. Lexie has to remain in bed for 4-6 weeks to allow her muscles to heal—"
Hearing that brought Meredith back to when she was attacked by a patient. She was locked in a room, unable to talk, unable to move. She was a prisoner inside of her own body and she spent too much time in her own head. Meredith didn't want Lexie to go through what she has been through. Those were some of the most difficult months of her life and a lot has happened to her.
"—there has to be another way." Meredith interrupted.
Callie looked over at Lexie.
"I'm afraid there isn't—"
"—but she won't be alone. She has you and Derek to pull er trough."

"—still, I will choose you. I will pick you and I will keep loving you, every single day."

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