#jeef

BEEF.

We didn't call each other or talk much after that discord call. It was random that night. I just wanted to get to know Jalapeno a little more at that point. I didn't really expect to do it again, unless something came up to talk about. We still messaged each other a little bit, and talked in streams. Her name now much more familiar than it was just a few months ago. It felt like I learned so much about her within the last few weeks. As I said once, from a username to a person. It's always special.

It was only a week or two after our discord call where I gave away my houseplant. I don't really know what pushed me over the edge. I think it was just time, and I had finally accepted it. Talking about it to someone, verbalizing it out loud. It was kind of the thing that made it sink in.

That said, I didn't cope with the loss of my houseplant super well. I didn't know how to fix it aside from one last send off. A sad, public mourning. So, I got drunk and streamed. Jalapeno was there, as were the rest of my friends and a few of Jalapeno's friends as well. It was a little more comforting than sitting alone in my bedroom sulking about.

Things got carried away toward the end of the night. I was mostly a loose canon. Drunk enough to talk about things I shouldn't but still grounded enough to keep my mouth shut when I needed to. A healthy enough balance. My roommate came in toward the end, ready to pull the plug if I got too out of control. I think he was also just entertained.

Jalapeno's friends, surprisingly, weren't the first one's to paint the chat in 'jeef'. I knew they wanted to, as most of them were never there on the regular. Rather, Dill Pickle was. Telling everyone to spam it in chat after something was said. Of course, it worked and Jalapeno, once again, begged for it to stop. I always wondered if she meant it, or if, in an odd way, she was purposefully egging it on. I kind of wanted to ask her, and I would try to in subtle ways. I was not sure if her answer would change anything, but it was just something I was really curious about.

Dill Pickle kept provoking chat, telling them about our house meetings and how we've talked about Jalapeno once or twice. I don't know why the sober one was having a harder time keeping his mouth shut than I was. I felt my face turn red once or twice, I couldn't tell if it was the alcohol or just being a little embarrassed.

The night continued on, spiraling in and out of jokes and conversations about Jalapeno. As Dill Pickle tried to steal my phone, scared I would drunkenly text someone I wasn't meant to, I wondered what Jalapeno was thinking. Was she laughing? Texting with her friends?

The stream ended and I got a message pretty soon after. I didn't think much of it until I saw it was from Jalapeno. I tried reading it and typing out a response but I wasn't making enough sense to do so. I just decided to go to bed and talk to her in the morning. In a funny way, it kind of gave me something to look forward to.

I found Jalapeno was constantly apologizing for the jokes her friends were making. Even when, on this night, it was my roommate that started it. I know she meant well. I appreciated it. But I couldn't help but think it was her way of saying she thought it was weird, and for some reason that was really odd to me. I'd tell her repeatedly that it doesn't bother me, then flip it on her and ask why it bothers her. If it bothers her.

She always responded in a way that confused me even more. Saying she thought it was funny or something, even though she acted like she hated it so much. Maybe she did, or does. Hate it, I mean. I hope not, you know, I kind of like those jokes. I always did.