#jeef

JALEPENO.

             You know that feeling when you wake up and you're still stuck in your morning grog? The fog of last night's late turning and rolling? That's how it felt talking to him at first. Bland, something to forget. At first, it was less than underwhelming...the 'meh' part of my day. Rather than talk about our own lives, we talked about the guy who actually occupied a corner of my mind. A guy I thought about and wished to talk to in the same way I talked to this essential placeholder.

Overtime, however, Beef went from a nobody to a somebody. From being a passing minute of a day to being an eventful few hours. Small talk to late night calls. A faded idea of a person to a constant thought.

It felt odd keeping these conversations to myself. While they didn't seem like that big of a deal - more so just talking to a friend or online acquaintance - I still felt like I had to tell someone. Like some of our conversations, while still somewhat mundane, deserved to be shared. So, I sent them to my friends, expecting the same relaxed reaction of a mere 'cool'. Though they cared more than I ever did. Acting like my conversations to him were groundbreaking, earthquake-causing conversations. When, truly, they were simple 'heys' and 'hellos'. Nonetheless, my friends would soon begin to joke. Constantly poking fun and teasing at the idea of him and I. Friends, more than friends. Whatever they thought. They didn't care to label it more than just a simple name: 'jeef'. Whatever that means. At that point they were truly joking, hoping that the twitter back and forths would suffice as enough to bring a spark of joy to their own lives. It did. So much so that it didn't ever really stop.

Rather, the momentum of these jokes grew larger and coinciding with that were the conversations between me and him that became more frequent; bleeding into moments and days where we were meant to be independently productive. Though, we started pushing our priorities to the side in order to make more room for each other's silly, small conversations. Now, rather than talking to Beef about the guy I wanted to know, I was just talking to Beef, who was the guy I was actually getting to know. Those conversations were just as satisfying as the former.

My friends would send new inside jokes and push the word 'jeef' into any sentence they found fit. All the while I was talking to him on another app, laughing and giggling to myself. Happy and friendly. Just friendly. Friends.